Lyrics The Illinois Enema Bandit (Deluxe Bonus Version/Live) - Frank Zappa

And now, a true story
With another fantastic introduction brought to you through the courtesy of NBC
Take it away, Don Pardo

This is a true story
About a famous criminal from right around Chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery
It so happens, that at the time of these robberies
Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon, The Illinois Enema Bandit

The Illinois Enema Bandit, I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women
He'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit, I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news

Bloomington Illinois, he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there from farm to farm
He's got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit, someday he'll have to pay
Someday he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest"
And then the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Then they'll put out a call you
For the jury folks, that's you over there
And the judge would say, take it away judge
"No poo-poo jokes"

Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin', "Don't nobody, no-no, have no sympathy"
Hot soapy water in the first degree
And then the Bandit might say
"Why is everybody lookin' at me?"

Well, did you cause this misery?
Well, did you cause this misery?
Well, did you cause this misery?
You know that one girl shout, "Let the Bandit be"
Are you guilty, bandit tell me what's your plea?
Another girl shout, "Let the fiend go free"

Are you guilty, are you guilty?
Bandit, did you do this deeds, come on now?
You know what he said?
"It must be just what they all need" (that's right)
"It must be just what they all need" (that's right)
"It must be just what they all need" (yes)
"It must be just what they all need"

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice (alright now)

The Illinois
Enema
Bandit, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ooh, Enema Bandit (yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yay-yeah)
Enema Bandit (Enema Bandit)
Enema Bandit (Enema-nema-nema-ne-nema-ne-nema-ne-nema Bandit)
Bandit, yeah (so did the Enema Bandit)
The Illinois Enema Bandit

Alright