Lyrics and translation Ove Sprogøe - Fandens Oldemor

Fandens Oldemor

Fandens oldemor her, det er faneme mig.
Jeg har rejst, jeg har fløjet en helvedes vej,
Og nu ser jeg, I sidder derned' og er svedt.
Det er bare, fordi I kun tænker på ét:
Cigaretter, whisky og nøgne pier.
Jeg ved godt, hvad der lurer i jer's fantasier:
Det der kradser og klør, og en pige, der vil,
Det har fanden skabt. Men vor herre hjalp til.

Kan De huske den aften, da Adam gik om
Og fandt Paradis underlig fjollet og tom,
Men så så han det figenblad, Eva had' fået,
Og så slog det ham pludslig: "Her mangler sgu noet:
Cigaretter, whisky og nøgne pier.
Jeg vil ud og se, hvad man får for en tier.
Sådden et liv i utugt, i synd og i skam,
Det har fanden skabt. Jeg går over til ham."

Der var meget, som Noah fik med i sin ark,
Der var hingste, som stod og gav hoppen et spark.
En giraf og en edderkop lå hos hinand'n,
Så fik Noah ideen og slog sig for pand'n:
"Cigaretter, whisky og nøgne pier!
Så har man dog noget, mens vandene stier."
Så det sjette af budene, der handler om hor,
Det vor herre har skabt, det blev strøget ombord.

Jeg ka huske, hvor det var et faens besvær
Og få væltet Napoleon og Cæsar, de rær.
Det' vorherre for fin til, det' fanden der gør't.
Han tar tandsmilet frem, mens han hvisker i ør't:
Cigaretter, whisky og nøgne pier,
Så falder sgu kejser'n og alle hans rig'r.
Både Johnson og Castro og den slags mænd,
Dem har fanden skabt, men han tar dem igen.

Hvorfor ruster I løs, mens I råber på fred?
Der' ikke den bombe, I ikke er ved.
Mens I rives og kives om hvem der har skyld'n
Ska jeg gi jer recepten på fred og idyl:
Cigaretter, whisky og nøgne pier,
Det' hostesaft, det' livseliksir.
Gi soldaten fri, la generalerne slås,
Dem tar faen ve'. når det rigtig går los.

Devil's Grandmother

Here's the devil's grandmother, by God.
I've traveled, I've flown a hell of a way,
And now I see you sitting down there sweating.
It's only because you only think of one thing:
Cigarettes, whiskey, and naked chicks.
I know what lurks in your fantasies:
That scratching and itching, and a girl who will,
The devil created it. But our Lord helped.

Do you remember that evening when Adam walked around
And found Paradise strangely silly and empty,
But then he saw that fig leaf that Eve had gotten,
And then it suddenly struck him: "Something's missing here:
Cigarettes, whiskey, and naked chicks.
I'm going out to see what you get for a tenner.
A life in debauchery, in sin and shame,
The devil created it. I'm going over to him."

There was a lot that Noah took with him in his ark,
There were stallions who stood and kicked the mare.
A giraffe and a spider were lying next to each other,
Then Noah had an idea and slapped his forehead:
"Cigarettes, whiskey, and naked chicks!
Then you have something while the waters are rising."
So the sixth of the commandments, which deals with adultery,
What our Lord created, was crossed out on board.

I can remember how it was such a damn nuisance
And having Napoleon and Caesar overthrown.
It's too fine for our Lord, the devil does it.
He takes out his toothpaste smile as he whispers in his ear:
Cigarettes, whiskey, and naked chicks,
Then the emperor and all his kingdoms will fall.
Both Johnson and Castro and men like that,
The devil created them, but he will take them again.

Why are you fighting while you are calling for peace?
There isn't a bomb you aren't familiar with.
While you tear and quarrel over who is to blame
I will give you the recipe for peace and idyll:
Cigarettes, whiskey, and naked chicks,
It's cough syrup, it's the elixir of life.
Let the soldier go free, let the generals fight,
The devil will take over when things really get going.