Paroles et traduction Olivia Ruiz - La Java des bombes atomiques

La Java des bombes atomiques

Mon oncle un fameux bricoleur
Faisait en amateur
Des bombes atomiques
Sans avoir jamais rien appris
C′était un vrai génie
Question travaux pratiques
Il s'enfermait tout′ la journée
Au fond d'son atelier
Pour fair' des expériences
Et le soir il rentrait chez nous
Et nous mettait en trans′
En nous racontant tout
Pour fabriquer une bombe " A "
Mes enfants croyez-moi
C′est vraiment de la tarte
La question du détonateur
S'résout en un quart d′heur'
C′est de cell's qu′on écarte
En c'qui concerne la bombe " H "
C'est pas beaucoup plus vach′
Mais un′ chos' me tourmente
C′est qu'cell′s de ma fabrication
N'ont qu′un rayon d'action
De trois mètres cinquante
Y a quéqu'chos′ qui cloch′ là-d'dans
J′y retourne immédiat'ment
Il a bossé pendant des jours
Tâchant avec amour
D′améliorer l'modèle
Quand il déjeunait avec nous
Il avalait d′un coup
Sa soupe au vermicelle
On voyait à son air féroce
Qu'il tombait sur un os
Mais on n'osait rien dire
Et pis un soir pendant l′repas
V′là tonton qui soupir'
Et qui s′écrie comm' ça
A mesur′ que je deviens vieux
Je m'en aperçois mieux
J′ai le cerveau qui flanche
Soyons sérieux disons le mot
C'est même plus un cerveau
C'est comm′ de la sauce blanche
Voilà des mois et des années
Que j′essaye d'augmenter
La portée de ma bombe
Et je n′me suis pas rendu compt'
Que la seul′ chos' qui compt′
C'est l'endroit où s′qu′ell' tombe
Y a quéqu′chose qui cloch' là-d′dans,
J'y retourne immédiat′ment
Sachant proche le résultat
Tous les grands chefs d'Etat
Lui ont rendu visite
Il les reçut et s'excusa
De ce que sa cagna
Etait aussi petite
Mais sitôt qu′ils sont tous entrés
Il les a enfermés
En disant soyez sages
Et, quand la bombe a explosé
De tous ces personnages
Il n′en est rien resté
Tonton devant ce résultat
Ne se dégonfla pas
Et joua les andouilles
Au Tribunal on l'a traîné
Et devant les jurés
Le voilà qui bafouille
Messieurs c′est un hasard affreux
Mais je jur' devant Dieu
En mon âme et conscience
Qu′en détruisant tous ces tordus
Je suis bien convaincu
D'avoir servi la France
On était dans l′embarras
Alors on l'condamna
Et puis on l'amnistia
Et l′pays reconnaissant
L′élu immédiat'ment
Chef du gouvernement

The Atomic Bomb Java

My uncle, a renowned tinkerer,
Used to make, as an amateur,
Atomic bombs,
Without ever having learned a thing.
He was a true genius,
When it came to practical work.
He would lock himself away all day long,
In the back of his workshop,
To conduct experiments.
And in the evening, he would come home,
And put us in a trance,
By telling us everything.
To make an "A" bomb,
My children, believe me,
It's really a piece of cake.
The detonator issue
Is solved in a quarter of an hour,
It's one of those we discard.
As for the "H" bomb,
It's not much more of a cow,
But one thing torments me,
It's that the ones I make
Only have a range
Of three meters fifty.
There's something wrong there,
I'm going back immediately.
He worked for days,
Trying with love,
To improve the model.
When he had lunch with us,
He would swallow in one gulp,
His vermicelli soup.
We could see by his fierce look,
That he was hitting a snag.
But we didn't dare say anything.
And then one evening during dinner,
Here's uncle sighing,
And shouting like this:
As I get older,
I realize it better,
My brain is failing.
Let's be serious, let's say the word,
It's not even a brain anymore,
It's like white sauce.
For months and years,
I've been trying to increase,
The range of my bomb,
And I didn't realize,
That the only thing that matters,
Is where it falls.
There's something wrong there,
I'm going back immediately.
Knowing the result was near,
All the great heads of state,
Paid him a visit.
He received them and apologized,
That his shack,
Was so small.
But as soon as they all entered,
He locked them up,
Saying, "Be good."
And when the bomb exploded,
Of all these characters,
Nothing remained.
Uncle, faced with this result,
Didn't back down,
And played the fool.
They dragged him to court,
And before the jurors,
There he is stammering:
Gentlemen, it's a dreadful accident,
But I swear before God,
On my soul and conscience,
That by destroying all these twisted people,
I am quite convinced,
That I have served France.
We were in a predicament,
So we condemned him,
And then we pardoned him.
And the grateful country,
Immediately elected him,
Head of government.