Paroles et traduction Wolty - Martes 13

Martes 13

Pero qué día de mierda, el cielo re nublado,
y yo que tenía ganas de salir a tomar sol.
Encima el perro de al lado se me cruzó para el patio,
me rompió la bolsa de basura y también un sillón.
Fue, después lo arreglo que ahora no tengo ni ganas,
me voy a comprar al chino algo pa' desayunar.
Agarro unos cereales, unas naranjas, unas manzanas,
pero no vi el piso mojado y me resbalé para atrás.
Me despierto en la ambulancia, ¿qué carajo está pasando?
Dicen que me di la nuca, que me tengo que calmar,
yo no me calmo nada, déjenme salir de acá; entre piñas
y patadas pude lograr escapar.
Entro a caminar para la parada de bondi, cuando alguien me grita:
¡Wolty, guacho, te voy a matar!
Con un cuchillo en la mano y la mirada retorcida se me abalanzaba
encima pa' intentarme apuñalar. Pude salir corriendo,
me salvé de puro ojete,
el gato me corría atrás. No sabía dónde esconderme,
al toque me metí a un hotel, al ascensor y piso 7.
Ni bien estaba subiendo, de repente se detiene y digo...¡NO!
Se cortó la luz, la puta madre, encima notenía señal y nadie venía a
ayudarme. Se escuchaban gritos fuera, empecé a desesperarme,
así que salí por el techo como vi en las pelis yankees.
Salgo del ascensor y no lo podía creer: un apocalipsis zombi
y yo encerrado en un hotel. Rápido entro a un cuarto pa' que no
me puedan ver, pero me escucharon, esos zombis me querían comer.
Trabé la puerta como pude y empecé a buscar...
encontré una katana, era el cuarto de un samurái.
Así que salí re encascado, los empecé a mutilar; volaban brazos,
piernas, así comencé a bajar.
Llego a planta baja, estaba el guacho del cuchillo,
pero convertido en zombi se ve que no era tan pillo.
De nuevo vino a atacarme, maldito zombi loquillo y zak-zak-zak...
lo corté como un membrillo.
Salgo del edificio, al toque me robé una moto y
la puse 180, no me alcanzaban los monstruos;
uno se puso enfrente y no lo pude ni esquivar, lo choqué,
salí volando, y de cabeza al río nomás.
Empecé a nadar, no podía perder el tiempo,
mientras se escucha un sonido,
algo que venía del cielo, miro para arriba y un platillo ovni veo,
que me abduce con sus luces, no podía mover un dedo.
Me despierto en un cuarto, escucho, algo se acercaba:
entran dos extraterrestres, un idioma raro hablaban,
me llevaron con su jefe, que bastante miedo daba,
y me tuvo de mascota por unas cuantas semanas.
Me gané su confianza porque muy bien me portaba,
y con el pasar del tiempo me sacaron de la jaula.
Ni bien tuve un pie afuera, le rompí la cara al guardia,
le afané el arma y al jefe pum', tiro en la gamba.
Ahora sos mi rehén, ya no te causa tanta gracia,
estoy re sacado gil, ahora me llevás con tu banda.
Me llevo con todos ellos, y enfrente de su ejército
le volé los sesos y dije: "soy el que manda".
Me convertí en el jefe del planeta Birig Bamba,
y me los llevé a la Tierra para así recuperarla.
Empezamos a matar zombis con tecnología gamma,
y salvamos a la Tierra del terror que le acechaba.
Pero no quedaba nada, todos los humanos muertos,
volví a Birig Bamba, re caliente, por supuesto.
Ordené a los científicos más listos del imperio
que me construyeran rápido una máquina del tiempo.
También les ordené un antídoto para la Tierra,
pa' que los zombis de mierda no puedan vivir en ella;
cumplieron con todo, y me despedí de ellos.
Y así volví en el tiempo al día donde empezó esto.
Y ahí estaba yo, viendo la basura que rompió el perro.
Me acerqué y me dije: "Lo siento, Wolty, nos vemos".
Tuve que matarme, es que no puede haber dos nuestros,
introduje el antídoto en la Tierra y...¡chau los muertos!
Ya no podía haber zombis, pero me faltaba el ovni,
me llevé una bazuca a ver si ahora venían por mí.
Los veo aparecer y digo: "Listo, chau los compis".
Les tiré un bazuca so y explotaron como en dos mil...
Listo, problema resuelto; me volví a casa,
junté la basura y, de paso, enterré mi cuerpo.
Me acosté en la cama porque ya tenía sueño,
y dormí bien profundo sabiendo lo que había hecho...

Tuesday the 13th

What a crappy day, the sky is so cloudy,
and I was looking forward to going out to sunbathe.
On top of that, the neighbor's dog crossed into my yard,
tore up my garbage bag and also a chair.
Whatever, I'll fix it later, I don't even feel like it now,
I'm going to the store to buy something for breakfast.
I grab some cereal, some oranges, some apples,
but I didn't see the wet floor and I slipped backwards.
I wake up in the ambulance, what the hell is going on?
They say I hit my head, that I have to calm down,
I'm not calming down at all, let me out of here; with punches
and kicks I managed to escape.
I start walking to the bus stop, when someone yells at me:
Wolty, you bastard, I'm going to kill you!
With a knife in his hand and a twisted look, he lunged at me
trying to stab me. I was able to run away,
I saved myself by pure luck,
the guy was chasing me. I didn't know where to hide,
I quickly ducked into a hotel, into the elevator and up to the 7th floor.
As soon as I was going up, it suddenly stops and I say... NO!
The power went out, damn it, on top of that I had no signal and no one was coming to
help me. I could hear screams outside, I started to panic,
so I went out through the roof like I saw in American movies.
I get out of the elevator and I couldn't believe it: a zombie apocalypse
and me trapped in a hotel. I quickly enter a room so they can't
see me, but they heard me, those zombies wanted to eat me.
I barricaded the door as best I could and started looking...
I found a katana, it was a samurai's room.
So I went out all geared up, I started mutilating them; arms were flying,
legs, that's how I started going down.
I get to the ground floor, there was the guy with the knife,
but turned into a zombie, it seems he wasn't so clever.
He came to attack me again, damn crazy zombie and slash-slash-slash...
I sliced him like a quince.
I leave the building, I immediately steal a motorcycle and
put it at 180, the monsters couldn't catch me;
one got in front of me and I couldn't even dodge it, I hit it,
I went flying, and headfirst into the river.
I started swimming, I couldn't waste time,
while a sound is heard,
something coming from the sky, I look up and I see a UFO,
that abducts me with its lights, I couldn't move a finger.
I wake up in a room, I hear something approaching:
two aliens enter, speaking a strange language,
they took me to their boss, who was quite scary,
and kept me as a pet for a few weeks.
I gained their trust because I behaved very well,
and as time went by they let me out of the cage.
As soon as I had one foot outside, I smashed the guard's face,
I stole his weapon and shot the boss in the leg.
Now you're my hostage, you're not so amused anymore,
I'm really pissed off, now you're taking me with your gang.
I get along with all of them, and in front of their army
I blew his brains out and said: "I'm the one in charge".
I became the boss of the planet Birig Bamba,
and I took them to Earth to recover it.
We started killing zombies with gamma technology,
and we saved the Earth from the terror that stalked it.
But there was nothing left, all the humans were dead,
I returned to Birig Bamba, really pissed off, of course.
I ordered the smartest scientists in the empire
to build me a time machine quickly.
I also ordered them an antidote for the Earth,
so that the damn zombies couldn't live on it;
they complied with everything, and I said goodbye to them.
And so I went back in time to the day this all started.
And there I was, seeing the garbage the dog tore up.
I approached myself and said: "I'm sorry, Wolty, see you later".
I had to kill myself, there can't be two of us,
I introduced the antidote to the Earth and... goodbye dead people!
There could be no more zombies, but I was missing the UFO,
I took a bazooka to see if they would come for me now.
I see them appear and say: "Alright, goodbye buddies".
I shot them with a bazooka and they exploded like in two thou...
Done, problem solved; I went back home,
picked up the trash and, by the way, buried my body.
I went to bed because I was already sleepy,
and I slept soundly knowing what I had done...