Текст и перевод песни Cheloo - Daca Eram...

Daca Eram...

Rizi ca flegma la TBC
Si ca ciorba la lautarul pe moarte

Da... daaa...

Hai cu mata.

Daca eram politist nu-mi asumam nici un risc
Infractorii cotizau la mine ca la fisc
Daca eram pompier ardea-i ca sobolanu-n casa
Si tu si ma-ta si zdreanta ta libidinoasa

Daca eram ginecolog cu sticla-n bot te consultam, de frica,
E sanatos sa dai la buci, in gereral, nu strica
Daca eram popa eram periculos
Frecam enoriasele matol si sus si jos

Daca eram chirurg uitam in tine
Cesul meu cu cuc, patentul si-un cutit de piine
Daca eram un posesor de diamante, frate,
Faceam o geamgerie si taiam doar geamuri sparte

Daca eram de bani gata, nu mai eram in viata
Va zimbeam expus la morga conservat in gheata

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

Daca eram un canibal, iar tu erai doar o urita
Te luam la pula-n tufa, baga-ne-am pula-n ea de supa
Daca eram postas fugeam la dealer in oras
Cind tu mureai de foame, eu fumam iarba si hash

Daca eram gropar te ingropam, normal, odata
Apoi te profanam preluind bijuteria preferata
Daca eram farmacist si cumparai calmante
Te-nbirligam sa bagi in tine anabolizante

Daca eram vidanjor teleportam cicat cu presiune
Calamitind, eventual, intreaga lume
Daca eram ospatar si te prindeam la masa, in cicat,
La felul doi serveai, stilat, flegme separat

Daca eram sofer te-aveam ca victima-n cazier,
Baga-mi-ai pula-n mata, m-ai fi lasat somer

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

Daca eram un hot, sa fiu cinstit,
Eram rapid si te lasam in pula goala fara sa simti nimic
Daca eram aviator si ramineam fara motor
Iti luam din zbor parasuta, pula mea, doar n-o sa mor

Daca eram invatator la 1-4, saracu,
Copilul tau fuma si bea de-i sarea capu
Daca eram navigator plecam pe mari fara onor
Si ma-ntorceam blindat de bani fara vapor

Daca eram labar ereditar munceam la CNA
Si ma sinucideam cu ritual pe piesa asta

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

Sint atitea meserii frumoase si trebuie incercate
Aplauze, va rog, sint omul bun la toate
Astept oferte si remuneratie
Momentan sint fara ocupatie

If I Were...

I cough like phlegm in a TB ward,
Like a dying fiddler's soup, so hard.

Yeah... yeah...

Come with me, girl.

If I were a cop, I'd take no risk,
Criminals would pay me like a tax, you see,
If I were a fireman, you'd burn like a rat in a house,
You, your mother, and your lustful spouse.

If I were a gynecologist, drunk, I'd examine you with fear,
It's healthy to slap those cheeks, in general, it's clear.
If I were a priest, I'd be dangerous,
I'd rub the parishioners, drunk, up and down, no less.

If I were a surgeon, I'd leave inside you,
My comb with a cuckoo, the patent, and a bread knife too.
If I were a diamond owner, brother,
I'd make a glaziery and cut only broken glass, no other.

If I were rich, I wouldn't be alive,
I'd smile at you from the morgue, preserved in ice, deprived.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.

If I were a cannibal, and you were just ugly,
I'd take you to the bushes, and we'd screw that soup, it's lovely.
If I were a postman, I'd run to the dealer in town,
While you were starving, I'd smoke weed and hash, I'd be down.

If I were a gravedigger, I'd bury you, of course, once,
Then I'd desecrate you, taking your favorite jewelry, no dunce.
If I were a pharmacist, and you bought sedatives,
I'd trick you into taking anabolic steroids, like additives.

If I were a sewage worker, I'd teleport shit with pressure,
Calamitizing, possibly, the entire world, no measure.
If I were a waiter and caught you at the table, in shit,
For the second course, you'd serve, in style, phlegm, bit by bit.

If I were a driver, I'd have you as a victim in my record,
Fuck you, you would have left me unemployed, that's the verdict.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.

If I were a thief, to be honest,
I'd be quick and leave you naked without you feeling a thing, it's modest.
If I were a pilot and lost my engine,
I'd take your parachute mid-flight, damn it, I'm not dying, I'm winning.

If I were a teacher for grades 1-4, poor me,
Your child would smoke and drink until his head would flee.
If I were a navigator, I'd sail the seas without honor,
And I'd return loaded with money, without a ship, that's the boner.

If I were a hereditary snitch, I'd work at the CNA,
And I'd commit suicide with a ritual to this song, that's the way.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.

There are so many beautiful professions to be tried,
Applause, please, I'm the jack of all trades, no need to hide.
I'm waiting for offers and remuneration,
Currently, I'm without occupation.