El Optimista - Horus перевод на английский

El Optimista

Que cosas tan tristes que tiene la vida
La plata no alcanza ni pa' la comida
Con la situación que estamos viviendo
Ya mas de un fulano se esta enloqueciendo.

Me fui de travesti a buscar empleo
Y me rechazaron por que soy muy feo
Ya cumplí tres años buscando trabajo
Me mandan pa' arriba y de arriba pa' bajo
Yo estaré dispuesto a cualquier oficio
Cuidando pirañas, lavando edificios

Matando zancudos, persiguiendo ratas
O desactivando minas quiebrapatas
Yo pego botones y cambio bombillas
Cuido pensionados y hago mascarillas

Le tiro las cartas le leo el tabaco
Le tiño el cabello, le afeito el sobacooo
Si quiere le sirvo de gato pa'l coche
Sino tiene perro le ladro de noche

Persigo ladrones y cargo ataudes
Le traigo razones y llevo saludes
Le busco un perdido, le celo a la esposa
Y si esta aburrido le consigo moza
Lavo calzoncillos, aplico inyecciones
Le cuido los niños y pongo condones

Consigo entrevistas, invento disculpas
Yo le hago la fila, le pago la multa
Falsifico firmas, le cambio las huellas
Y soy un experto inflando botellas
Yo hago exorcismo, le espanto al demonio
Y le ensaño novias para el matrimonio

Yo le cargo el niño, le arreglo el tetero
Le saco los gases, le limpio el reguero
Le cambio pañales cuando huela a feo
Despues de bañarlo, yo se lo asoleo
Cuando este muy triste, yo le calmo el llanto
Y si usted no puede yo se lo amamanto

Sirvo de testigo en cualquier asunto
Sino tiene pruebas consigo el difunto
Hago de payaso, de contiorcionista
Domador de tigres o balabarista
Soy todo un experto en asuntos de amor
Sino se le para, yo le hago el favor

Si a usted por desgracia le faltan las manos
Yo podre servirle como fiel hermano
Cuando necesite hacer uso del baño
No se preocupe que yo lo acompaño
Si llego el momento de hacerlo y no pudo
Pues yo se lo saco y se lo sacudo

Amaestro pulgas, micos y elefantes
Entreno tortugas, preparo purgantes
Le tengo el remedio para la diarrea
Con tal que me paguen yo hago lo que sea
Me le tiro a un carro, me le pongo a un tren
Me lanzo empelota del empire state

Me ofrezco de sapo pa' un experimento
Me encierro en la jaula de un león hambriento
Me voy pa' Israel como palestino
Por necesidad vendo mi intestino
Y aunque los gringos conmigo se enfaden
Me iria a cuidar a osama bin laden

Me lanzo amarra'o desde un avión
Me agarro a mordizcos con un tiburón
Por plata he dormido dentro de una caba
He montado en globo, lo que me faltaba
Mostrando mi hoja de vida de ambulo
Tan solo me falta ponermela al cu... y falta poquito.

The Optimist

Life has its share of sorrows, it's true,
Money's so tight, not enough for food.
With the situation we're all going through,
More than one guy's losing his mind, boo hoo.

I went out in drag, looking for a job,
They turned me away, said I was too much of a slob.
Three years I've been searching, high and low,
Sent up and down, where to go, I don't know.
I'm open to any work, that's for sure,
From watching piranhas to scrubbing the floor.

Killing mosquitoes, chasing after rats,
Or defusing landmines that blow off your hats.
I can sew on buttons and change lightbulbs too,
Take care of pensioners, give facials to you.

I'll read your cards, or your tobacco leaves,
Dye your hair, shave your armpits, if you please.
If you need, I'll be your car jack, steady and strong,
And if you don't have a dog, I'll bark all night long.

I chase after thieves and carry the dead,
Bring you reasons and messages instead.
I'll find your lost items, keep your wife in check,
And if you're bored, I'll find you a chick, by heck.
I wash underwear, give injections with skill,
Look after your kids, and condoms I fill.

I get you interviews, make excuses so sweet,
I'll stand in line for you, pay your fines, complete.
I forge signatures, change fingerprints with ease,
And I'm an expert at inflating, if you please.
I perform exorcisms, scare the demons away,
And find you brides for your wedding day.

I'll carry your baby, prepare their bottle with care,
Burp them gently, clean up messes everywhere.
I'll change their diapers when they start to smell,
After bath time, I'll dry them off well.
When they're feeling sad, I'll soothe their cries,
And if you can't, I'll even breastfeed, no lies.

I'll be a witness in any kind of case,
And if you lack evidence, I'll bring the deceased.
I'll be a clown, a contortionist with flair,
A tiger tamer or a juggler in the air.
I'm an expert in matters of the heart,
If you can't get it up, I'll play my part.

If by misfortune, you're missing your hands,
I can serve you as your loyal brother, understand?
When you need to use the bathroom, don't you fret,
I'll be there with you, no need to sweat.
If the moment comes and you can't do the deed,
I'll take it out and shake it, plant the seed.

I train fleas, monkeys, and elephants too,
Turtles I coach, and prepare laxatives for you.
I have the remedy for diarrhea's woes,
As long as you pay me, anything goes.
I'll throw myself in front of a car, a train,
Jump naked from the Empire State, it's insane.

I'll be a guinea pig for experiments bold,
Lock myself in a cage with a lion, hungry and cold.
I'll go to Israel, as a Palestinian, you see,
Out of desperation, I'll sell my intestines, believe me.
And even if the Americans get mad, it's true,
I'd go and take care of Osama Bin Laden, boo hoo.

I'll jump tied up from a plane, what a sight,
Get in a biting match with a shark, with all my might.
For money, I've slept in a tomb, dark and deep,
Ridden in a balloon, the only thing left to leap.
I walk around with my resume, it's plain to see,
The only thing left is to stick it up my... and it's getting close, honey.