Текст и перевод песни Les Cowboys Fringants - Le plombier

Le plombier

Juste comme j? partais pour le squash
Avec mon satchel Adidas
Mes runnings? velcro
Pis mon chandail de Mexico

Les? go? ts ont r? foul? s
La b? cosse a d? bord? e
Y? avait des coliformes f? caux
Qui flottaient su? l terrazo

Faque j? ai fouill? d? ins pages jaunes
Sous la rubrique du plombier
La Plomberie Amazone
Tiens donc! C? est l? que j? vas appeler

Quand le gars s? est point?
Y? a ameut? tout l? quartier
Son muffler tra? nait? terre
? A faisait un boucan d? enfer

S? est enfin stationn?
Avec son Econoline jack?
Deux tons, rouill?
Patch? avec d? la pot? e

Y? a fouill? en d? sous son banc
Y? a pris son coffre? outils
Et d? un pas titubant
Y? r? tonti pis y m? a dit:

Salut boss! J? m? appelle Guy, Guy Lafleur
Ben oui pareil comme le grand joueur
Y? o? l? bobo qu? j? te r? pare? a?
Fie-toi su moi? a niaisera pas
Au hockey j? tais pas ben bon
Mais j? ai une bonne moyenne au b? ton
C? est pas parce que j? t? un p? tit plombier
Que chu? pas capable de scorer!

Y s'est install? en d'sous d'l'? vier
? A avait pas l'air de ben aller
Je l'entendais marmonner
Pis sacrer comme un gars d'chantier

Au bout d'une couple de minutes
Y's'd? cide? s'prendre un break
Y s'est mis? m'parler d'lutte
A'm'dire que c'tait pas du fake

Y m'a avou?
Qu'y aimait pus? a comme avant
Que l'g? ant Ferr?
Lui dans l'temps y'? tait puissant

Y'? tait deux heures de l'apr? s-midi
D? j? y'empestait la boisson
Avec les gars d'la compagnie
Y'a din? chez l'P? re G? d? on

Y m'a dit qui s't'nait aux danseuses
Mais depuis qu'sa femme est morte
C't'ait les salons d'masseuses
Pis les services d'escortes

Y'avait des spots en d'sous des bras
Pis y sentait l'vieux Velveeta
Y'avait la craque de fesses? l'air
A'ec la coupe Jaromir Jagr

Ah! Pis l? ch't'? coeur? j'ai hate
Qu'y sacre son camp Guy Lafleur
J'en ai assez d'y voir la face pis
D'l'entendre me parler d'lutteurs
Au lieu d'jouer au squash avec
Les coll? gues du bureau
J't'oblig? de t'nir compagnie a
Guy Lafleur l'maudit wabo! (maudit Wabo)

Y s'est d? bouch? une Budweiser
L'a cal? en trois gorg? es
Au bout d'deux-trois heures
Y m'a dit: Boss j'ai termin?...

En partant y'a fait un faux pas
'S'est enfarg? dans l'r? pondeur
Et comble de malheurs
Son cancer d? marrait pas...

Fa'que y'a appel? un towing
D'la compagnie Sweet Lullaby
Y m'a dit: Salut Boss...
En me faisant des gros bye-bye

Par la fen? tre j'y ai cri?
Sacre-moi ton camp maudit incomp? tent!
En plus d'? tre mauvais travaillant
T'as l'air d'un cibole d'habitant!
Et depuis c'temps-la quand j'vois
L'vrai Guy Lafleur a TV
J'ai toujours une p'tite pens? e
Pour un gros plombier mal? lev?...

The Plumber

Just as I was leaving for squash
With my Adidas satchel
My velcro running shoes
And my Mexico jersey

The pipes burst
The toilet overflowed
There were fecal coliforms
Floating on the terrazzo

So I searched the yellow pages
Under the plumber section
Amazon Plumbing
Well, that's who I'm gonna call

When the guy showed up
He stirred up the whole neighborhood
His muffler was dragging on the ground
It made a hell of a racket

He finally parked
With his jacked-up Econoline
Two-tone, rusty
Patched with putty

He rummaged under his seat
He grabbed his toolbox
And with a staggering step
He stumbled and said to me:

Hi boss! My name is Guy, Guy Lafleur
Yeah, just like the great player
Where's the problem I'm fixing for you?
Trust me, it won't be a problem
I wasn't very good at hockey
But I have a good average at the bar
Just because I'm a little plumber
Doesn't mean I can't score!

He settled under the sink
He didn't seem to be doing well
I could hear him muttering
And swearing like a construction worker

After a couple of minutes
He decided to take a break
He started talking to me about wrestling
Telling me it wasn't fake

He confessed to me
That he didn't like it anymore
That the Giant Ferré
He used to be powerful back in the day

It was two in the afternoon
He already reeked of booze
With the guys from the company
He had dinner at Father Gédéon's

He told me he used to go to the dancers
But ever since his wife died
It was massage parlors
And escort services

He had pit stains
And he smelled like old Velveeta
His butt crack was showing
With his Jaromir Jagr haircut

Ah! And there, honey, I can't wait
For Guy Lafleur to get the hell out
I'm tired of seeing his face and
Hearing him talk about wrestlers
Instead of playing squash with
The colleagues from the office
I'm forced to keep company with
Guy Lafleur the damn wabo! (damn Wabo)

He cracked open a Budweiser
Chugged it in three gulps
After a couple of hours
He told me: Boss, I'm done...

On his way out he misstepped
He tripped over the answering machine
And to top it all off
His hernia wasn't getting any better...

So he called a tow truck
From the Sweet Lullaby company
He told me: Bye Boss...
Waving goodbye

Through the window I yelled at him
Get the hell out of here, you damn incompetent!
On top of being a bad worker
You look like a damn hillbilly!
And ever since then when I see
The real Guy Lafleur on TV
I always have a little thought
For a fat, ill-mannered plumber...