Текст и перевод песни MC Einar - Jul det' cool

Jul det' cool

Det skete i de dage i november engang
At de første kataloger satte hyggen i gang
Det' jul, det' cool, det nu man hygger sig bedst
Det' julebal i Nisseland, familiernes fest
Med fornøjet glimt i øjet, trækker folk i vintertøjet
Til den årlige folkevandring op og ned ad Strøget
Der bli'r handlet, pakket ind, og der bli'r købt og solgt
Tøsne, snot i næsen, det' pisse koldt
Det er vinter, man forventer vel lidt kulde og sne
Men det' da klart at en såd'n sag må komme bag på DSB
Intet vrøvl har de forsvoret, det de helt sikre på,
Men ved den første rim på sporet, går møllen i stå
Folk de tripper, skælder ud, og ser på deres ure
Og sparker efter invalide, ynkelige duer
Der er intet, man kan gøre, de sure buschauffører
Gør det svært at praktisere lidt julehumør
"Gå så tilbage for helvede" råber stodderen hæst
Men det' jul, det' cool, det nu man hygger sig bedst
Det' jul, det' cool, gran og lirekasser
Der er mænd, der sælger juletræer på alle åbne pladser
12 bevægelige nisser og en sort mekanisk kat
I et vindue ud mod Strøget trækker flere tusind watt
Kulørte gavepakker i kulørte juleposer
Selv i Bilka og i Irma og i alle landets brugser
Er der ægte julestemning og gratis brune kager
Der er hylder fyldt med hygge, der er hygge på lager
Og hos damerne i Illum kan man få det som man vil
"Kontant eller på konto, hr.? Ska' prisen dækkes til?"
De smiler og er flinke, mest for fruerne i minke
Og gi'r gode råd om alt fra sexet undertøj til sminke
Og vi andre fattigrøve, vi ka' gå i Dalle-Valle
Der er damerne så flinke, at de smiler pænt til alle
Der er masser tøj i kasser, der helt sikkert passer
Det' jul, det' cool, gran og lirekasser
Det' jul, det' cool, kig dig lidt omkring
15.000 mennesker i Magasin
De har våde lædersko, de har halstørklæder på
De har overfrakker, gavepakker, masser de ska' nå
Men de hygger sig, sel'fø'lig gør de det
Plasikstjerner, plasikgran og plastiksne
Sætter stemning i systemer, det' så nemt og nul problemer
Køb blot julestuens julesæt med fire fine cremer
Eller sukkerkrukker, pyntedukker, pænt, mondænt og ganske smukt
Søde sæt med proptrækker, glas og øloplukker
Fra en skjult højtalerinstallation,
"Et barn er født i Bethlehem" i Hammondorgelversion
Vi' traditionsbundne folk, i traditionernes land,
Så vi hygger os, li'så fint vi kan
Og særlig uundværlig, det er Magasin,
Det' jul, det' cool, kig dig lidt omkring
"Højt fra træets grønne top"
"Mød julemanden klokken 13, 15, og 17 på julestuen på 3. sal"
"Vores velassorterede vinafdeling kan tilbyde et komplet gløgg-sæt for kun 39.95"
"Lille Øjvind på fem år er blevet væk fra sin mor, han kan afhentes i kundeservice"
"Jamen du godeste er det allerede..."
Jul det' cool sikke tiden den går, der er intet lavet om siden sidste år
Det' de samme ting vi spiser, det' de samme ting vi laver
De samme ting i TV, de samme julegaver
Samme pengeproblemer, det' dyrt og hårdt
Udelukkende overtrukne kontokort
Overflod og fråds med familie og med venner
Samvittigheden klares med en ulandskalender
Det' julefrokosttid, traditionspilleri, sprutkørsel, utroskab, og madsvineri
Vi har prøvet det før, vi ved præcis hvad der sker
Slankekur i januar og alt det der
Det' et slid, men der er lang tid til næste år
Det' jul, det' cool. sikke tiden den går
"Jeg drømmer om en hvid sandstrand,
Med palmetræer og sommervejr
Der vil jeg fejre julen
I swimmingpoolen
Langt væk fra sne og juletræer"

Christmas is Cool

It happened sometime in those November days,
When the first catalogues sparked the cozy craze.
It's Christmas, it's cool, the time for utmost cheer,
A festive ball in Santa Land, a family affair.
With a joyful twinkle in their eyes, folks don their winter attire,
For the yearly pilgrimage up and down the Strøget spire.
There's buying and wrapping, selling and deals galore,
Snowy streets, runny noses, and a bitter cold core.
It's winter, we expect some frost and snowy scenes,
But of course, such things catch DSB off guard, it seems.
They swore no trouble, assured us it's all fine,
But with the first frost on the tracks, the system starts to decline.
People fidget, curse, and watch their clocks with despair,
Kicking at the pathetic, crippled pigeons there.
There's nothing one can do, the grumpy bus drivers make it clear,
Practicing Christmas spirit is quite difficult here.
"Get the hell back!" the conductor yells with a hoarse command,
But it's Christmas, it's cool, the time to lend a hand.
It's Christmas, it's cool, with fir trees and organ's chime,
Men selling Christmas trees occupy every open dime.
Twelve moving elves and a black mechanical cat,
In a window facing Strøget, consuming kilowatts fat.
Colorful gifts in colorful Christmas bags,
Even in Bilka, Irma, and every local shag.
There's genuine Christmas spirit and free brown cakes to share,
Shelves overflowing with coziness, it's everywhere.
And at Illum, the ladies cater to your every whim,
"Cash or credit, sir? Shall we wrap it up for him?"
They smile and are kind, mostly to the mink-clad wives,
Offering advice on everything from sexy lingerie to knives.
And us, the poor sods, we can go to Dalle Valle instead,
Where the ladies are so kind, they smile at everyone, it's said.
There's plenty of clothes in boxes, sure to fit just right,
It's Christmas, it's cool, with fir trees and candlelight.
It's Christmas, it's cool, take a look around,
Fifteen thousand people in Magasin, profound.
They have wet leather shoes and scarves tied up tight,
Overcoats, gift packages, so much to set aright.
But they're having fun, of course they do,
Plastic stars, plastic trees, and plastic snow, it's true.
Setting the mood systematically, it's easy, no fuss or fight,
Just buy the Christmas set with four fine creams, so bright.
Or sugar bowls, decorative dolls, pretty, posh, and quite a sight,
Sweet sets with corkscrews, glasses, and bottle openers, just right.
From a hidden speaker installation's gentle sway,
"A Child is Born in Bethlehem" in Hammond organ's display.
We're tradition-bound folks, in the land of festive cheer,
So we enjoy ourselves, as best we can, my dear.
And especially indispensable, it's Magasin, I fear,
It's Christmas, it's cool, take a look around, my dear.
"High from the tree's green top," the carol gently hums,
"Meet Santa at 1, 3, and 5 on the third floor, where joy comes."
"Our well-stocked wine department offers a complete mulled wine set for only 39.95, a steal!"
"Little Øjvind, five years old, is lost from his mother, he can be picked up at customer service, please reveal."
"Oh my goodness, is it already..." time seems to fly,
Christmas is cool, time marches on, no need to cry.
It's the same things we eat, the same things we create,
The same things on TV, the same gifts we await.
The same money problems, it's expensive and tough,
Only overdrawn credit cards are enough.
Abundance and indulgence with family and friends so dear,
Conscience appeased with a third-world calendar, it's clear.
It's Christmas party time, traditional revelry, drunk driving, infidelity, and gluttony,
We've tried it before, we know exactly what will be,
Diet in January and all that jazz, you see.
It's a drag, but there's plenty of time until next year,
It's Christmas, it's cool, time flies, my dear.
"I dream of a white sandy beach,
With palm trees and summer weather's reach,
There I would celebrate Christmas,
In the swimming pool's bliss,
Far away from snow and Christmas trees' kiss."