Текст и перевод песни Rex.D - Disappointment

Disappointment

2012쯤인가 내 전 회사와 계약 후
들뜬 마음으로 마음껏
야 씨발 이게 꿈이냐 너도 좋아했잖아
J'kyun형과 팀이다 임마
난 꿈을 이룬것만 같지 너도 어줍잖은
회사 때려치고 빨리 rap 해
한심한 새끼 술이나 따러 넌
너같은 새끼랑 꿈 타령하고 싶지않아
집안 타령하네 또이새끼가 어?
엄마한테 당장 1, 20 주는게 대수냐 어?

딱 4년전 내꿈은 저런모냥새로
자라 커 왔지 지금의 내가있기까지
대단한거 아님 인정.
이제서야 저 자식 한테
겨우 술 한잔 사면서 저말 주워 담지
발전이란 단어속 잘 찿아봐 숨어있어
니 두손에 쥐어질 두꺼운 빗자루 쓰레받기
인생이 원래 내 지나온 자리 똥 닦기면
그건 너무 슬프니까 그냥 후회 없이 살기로 해
작년 쇼미 탈락후 헌혈증 꽉 쥐고
무균실에서 내가본건 씨발 통편집 뿐
Yeah 더는없지 더는없어 이제 내게 노력과
열심힐 바란다면 엿줄게.
20대 후반 이제곧 서른 넘어가는
내게 아직도 용돈 쥐어주는 우리엄마의
걱정은 내 vision보다 또 아프지않길 바라면서
아프게 나아 미안하다고 더필요한건 없냐하셔
야이씨 이건 아니지 니가봐도 아니지?
근데 내 혈액암에 보험 들자던 엄마말에
씨발 내가아픈데도 돈이 중요하냐고
병원에서 깽판쳐 가드 손에 끌려나온 난데
그때 날 울면서 달랜 엄마의 찢어지는 속
그보다도 살고싶어 아무나 원망했던 나에겐
오래전부터 원망한 아빠도 있었네 겸상도 오래됬지
좋았던 기억도 언제 였냐는듯 다 잊었지
아마 아빠의 첫 집과 차는
엄마의 20대 땀묻은 결과물
그게 아빠의 욕심에 무너진걸 이 곡에
까발리는건 아들아닌 남자로 첫내미는 손
또날 나았던 아빠의 나이와
가까워진 아들로써 시작할 첫내미는 효
이제 날 비롯한 아빠도
무거운 짐을 내려야지 평생 가져가도
이제 진짜 볼수없을때
더 슬플께 뻔하잖아
채점 받는삶을 욕하는
내가 이래도 되겠어
모범이 되는 삶이 감옥 같던건
넌 아빠처럼 안될 자신있냐고 했던
친구의 말부터, 나부터
모두에게 두부를 건네고
걸어 나와야지 날위해 열심히던 내회사도
그저감사한 맘으로 품에안고
그다음은 내게 기댈거는 모든이들에게 잘있어

이제부터 열심히 하지말고 즐겨
잘했어
난 알어 너참많이 노력했던것
잘했어
내가 뭘하던 실망 말고 즐겨
잘했어
나역시너에게 어떤 바램도 없어
잘했어

숨만쉬며 살고싶지않아
그런 삶을 원했다면 나는 아마
내 삶을 애써 경쟁구도에
내던지고 매일밤 마다날
괴롭힌 음악이 뭐가 필요해?

내 혈관속엔 암이 흘러
근데도 멈추지 못했어 독한 담배술도
니가 날 욕할꺼면 봐봐 내 혈액수치
어땠을지 어땠을지

너나 나나 죽자고 살잖아 영원하단 다이아
도 얼마전 깨진다는걸 알았어 이젠 말할께
내가어떻게 살든
그래 나는 괜찮아 이제 그만 걱정하고
죽는날 내 얼굴이 환한

웃음이길 바래
어제 one night 한 얘길할때 처럼
그저 웃음이길 바래
날 차버린 그녀를 욕할때 처럼
웃음이길 바래...

Disappointment

After signing with my former company around 2012,
I was excited and let loose.
Damn, is this a dream? You liked it too,
and now I'm in a team with J'Kyun hyung.
I feel like I've achieved my dream, and you're not half bad either.
Drop your company and start rapping quickly.
You pitiful jerk, just go pour yourself a drink.
I don't want to talk about dreams with someone like you.
You're just whining about your family, what's wrong with you?
Is it really that great to give your mom 1, 20 won right away?

Exactly 4 years ago, my dream grew like that.
It's grown until it became the me I am now.
It's not a big deal, I admit.
Now, I'm barely buying that kid
a drink and getting him to talk.
Take a good look at the word progress, it's hidden there.
The thick broom and dustpan that you'll hold in your hands
If life is originally the place I've walked past cleaning up poop,
that's too sad, so I'll just live without regrets.
After getting eliminated from Show Me last year, I tightly held onto my blood donation card.
All I saw in the sterile room was damn editing.
Yeah, there's nothing more, there's nothing more for me now. Effort and
hard work, if you expect that from me, I'll give you shit.
In my late 20s, I'm almost 30.
Our mom, who still gives me pocket money,
I hope her worries will hurt less than my vision, and
I'm sorry if I hurt you more, is there anything else you need?
Wow, this isn't right, you can see that too, right?
But my mom wanted to get me insurance for leukemia.
Damn, I'm the one who's sick, does money matter?
I caused a scene in the hospital and got dragged out by the guards,
at that time, my mom's heart was breaking as she tried to calm me down.
Rather than that, I wanted to live. I resented everyone, even you,
and my father, who I had resented for a long time, was there too. It's been a while.
I've forgotten all the good memories like when they were.
Maybe my father's first house and his first car
were the results of my mom's sweat in her 20s.
That my father's greed destroyed them, I'm exposing that
in this song, not as a son but as a man giving his first blow.
Also, I'm getting closer to my father's age.
My first blow as a son who's become more filial is devotion.
Now, my father and I
need to let go of this heavy burden. We've carried it our whole lives.
Now, when we really can't see each other,
it's obvious that it'll be even sadder.
Cursing a life that's being graded,
I can be like this.
A life that's a model, like a prison. You were confident you wouldn't become like your dad, right?
Starting with my friend's words, everyone,
passed the buck to me.
I should just hand everyone tofu
and walk out. My company, which worked hard for me.
I just hold it in my arms with a grateful heart.
Next, I'm going to lean on everyone. Goodbye to all of you.

Don't work hard from now on, enjoy yourself.
You've done well.
I know you've worked really hard.
You've done well.
Enjoy yourself no matter what I do, just don't disappoint me,
You've done well.
I don't have any wishes for you either.
You've done well.

I don't want to live just breathing.
If I had wanted that kind of life, I probably
would have just thrown myself
into fierce competition, and the music
that tormented me every night, what do I need it for?

Cancer flows through my veins,
but I still couldn't stop the toxic cigarettes and alcohol.
If you're going to curse me, take a look at my blood count,
what was it? What was it?

You and I, let's just die and live. The eternal diamond,
I found out not too long ago that it can be broken. I'll say it now,
No matter how I live,
yes, I'm okay now. Stop worrying
and on the day I die, I hope my face

is filled with a bright
smile, like when we were talking about our one night stand yesterday.
I just hope it's a smile.
Like when we were cursing the woman who dumped me.
I hope it's a smile...