Текст и перевод песни Ai Higuchi - 備忘録

備忘録

中学二年生の頃、変わったね、と言われて
いじめられてからもう10年以上経ちますが
事故だと言い張れない傷に今も
悩まされています

人に嫌われない術を身につけたかわりに
自分のことを嫌いになって
押し殺した感情腐らせても
捨てる場所はないのです
果てにたどり着いた処理場が「うた」でした

ちやほやされてできたものは19で消えた
身体切り刻んでできたものは今も宝石
天邪鬼でも高飛車でも好きになってくれた人
どうかどうか忘れないで

25になったら地元に帰ると言ったけど
帰るような勇気はありません
評論家 会社員 に並ぶような冠名の前に
自称とつく可能性の高さ

憧れは「pink」で描かれていた東京
染まれたら楽になれたでしょうか
「終電逃してタクシー」「有名人に会いました」
いつだって蚊帳の外 貯金なし恋人なし
なのになぜかどこか安定しています

ちやほやされてできたものにすがっている
超えていくと誓ったものに近付けている
なりたかった自分になれたくせに
嫌いになった
矛盾だけが 風を吹かせます

人生かけて愛した人がいました
裏切られてもなお愛していました
鉛筆で書いた文字を指でこするように
誤魔化し諦める方法を覚えていました

いつかのわたしが今のわたしを見たら
なんて言うでしょうか？
大人だって言うでしょうか？
好きになってくれた人しか
好きになれないのは
自分のこと好きになれないから

誰かと生きることを生きる意味にしてたんだ
理由つけてあきらめて自分騙してたんだ
なにも始めてない
なにもやり遂げてないよな
1人になって気付く
孤独と夢はいつも共にあった

ちやほやされてできたものは19で消えた
身体切り刻んでできたものは今も宝石
天邪鬼でも高飛車でも愛してくれた人
どうか元気でいてほしい

愛していたやりたかった居たかった
欲しかった待っていた夢だった
もう全部捨てた
全てを捨てたつもりで全てのおかげさま

背負わずとも背中を押す無数の手のひら
どうか自分よ 忘れるな
どうか自分よ 忘れるな

Memorandum

When I was in the second year of junior high school, I was told I had changed.
More than 10 years have passed since I was bullied,
but I am still troubled by the scars
that I can't insist were an accident.

In exchange for learning how not to be hated by people,
I came to hate myself,
and even if I let the suppressed emotions rot,
there is nowhere to throw them away.
In the end, the processing plant I arrived at was "singing."

What I made by being flattered disappeared at 19.
What I made by carving up my body is still a jewel.
Those who came to love me even though I was a contrarian and high-handed,
please, please don't forget.

I said I would return to my hometown when I turned 25,
but I don't have the courage to go back.
Before the title that lines up with critics and company employees,
there is a high possibility that it will be preceded by "self-proclaimed."

My longing was for Tokyo depicted in "pink."
Would I have felt at ease if I had been dyed in it?
"Missed the last train and took a taxi," "I met a famous person."
Always outside the mosquito net, no savings, no lover,
but somehow, somewhere, I am stable.

I am clinging to what I made by being flattered.
I am getting closer to what I vowed to surpass.
I was able to become the person I wanted to be,
but I came to hate it.
Only contradictions make the wind blow.

There was someone I loved with all my life.
Even after being betrayed, I still loved them.
Like rubbing a finger over words written in pencil,
I remembered how to deceive myself and give up.

If the me of the past saw the me of the present,
what would she say?
Would she say I am an adult?
The fact that I can only love
those who have come to love me
is because I can't love myself.

I made living with someone the meaning of life.
I made excuses, gave up, and deceived myself.
I haven't started anything.
I haven't accomplished anything, have I?
I realize it when I'm alone.
Loneliness and dreams have always been together.

What I made by being flattered disappeared at 19.
What I made by carving up my body is still a jewel.
Those who loved me even though I was a contrarian and high-handed,
I hope you are all well.

I loved, I wanted to do, I wanted to be.
I wanted, I waited, it was a dream.
I've thrown it all away now.
While I thought I had thrown everything away, it's all thanks to everything.

Countless palms pushing my back without carrying me,
please, myself, don't forget.
Please, myself, don't forget.