Текст и перевод песни 屁孩 Ryan - 幹話freestyle

幹話freestyle

從前從前有個男孩叫做Jason
生平無大志但最喜歡健身
「偶不是8+9 」他這樣堅稱
偶像是來自蘆洲的健美先生

除了健身以外 他還愛跟妹子同台
沒事 就拍拍妹子放在限時動態
打個曖昧的文字偷拍起來
兄弟都識相 問他妹子從哪裡來

好了人設大概到這 故事接著繼續
某天朋友打來跟他說夜店有局
剛好Jason正在夜市吃著魷魚
趕緊吞下魷魚聲音表示猶豫

欸所以你有沒有興趣
再不給我答案我們就準備進去
Jason說他拼事業 早告別燈紅酒綠
但意思意思問這局有沒有妹有去

對，有很多妹 他朋友這樣說
Jason 馬上說好 等等跟你說
掛掉電話 他馬上叫車不思索
下車還在旁邊閒晃 以免被識破

就這樣你知道晃呀晃呀大概一個小時左右吧
他挺胸走進夜店
說剛忙完正事 才順道經過這邊
所以遲了一點 嘿

Hoo hoo 拍水 拍水 拍水
剛發完現在身邊我沒有名片
剛來的隨便
家就在對面
要不是看我朋友其實我不情願

正當Jason自信的覺得有所斬獲
這時他餘光瞄見有光在閃爍...
閃爍... 我看到...

ㄜ... 我沒有帶我名片... 嗄... 不對
嗯，沒關係你慢慢說
等一下，先安靜一下好不好？
我...
怎麼了？
我從來沒有這種感覺... 那就像...

不是pa燈的光 那是真愛的光
若有一見鍾情 就是現在的慌
短髮 小窄裙 不濃不淡的妝
像Jason最愛甜甜圈上裹的糖霜

還沒回過神女孩就已經開口
"Hi my name is Emily,how are you?"
他知道就看這次 答得好就到手
"I'm fine! thank you! and you? "

就這樣兩個一拍即合
不顧他人眼光直奔motel集合
正當酒酣耳熱 乾柴點烈火
Emily突然略顯哀愁的打破沈默

Jason 你好壞 是否只是想做愛
God damn原來是小女生在索求承諾

偶 其實曾經墮落
花心讓我落魄
火也燒著偶
也曾經痛過
做愛做的太多
遇到你不想再蹉跎
Jason瞇著眼睛這樣說
看著遠方覺得自己像李奧納多

女孩得到了答案就也就沒了麻煩
往下拖他褲子想來用他的鴨蛋
但Jason突然把褲子拉住大喊
Emily不解的看他滿身大汗

現在不是時機
偶們還沒在一起
偶不想被搞的好像是偶在欺負你
其實Jason只是在裝腔作勢
這是他第一次他嚇得無法ㄎㄧ蹦

看著她的表情 半信半疑
Jason突然想到一招可以高明的解決難題
看！突然肚子好餓！
我得下去全家 買包巧克力

他衝出門留下錯愕的Emily
光速下樓但不是走進family
飆進對面的藥局 不鳴則已
幹掉整包偉哥瞬間覺得自己很可以

再上樓Emily 正哭的像個小孩
Jason扯掉襯衫
來！我的女孩！
悲歡離合夾雜起來
此時Jason覺得自己不再失敗

正當火車準備過山 洞
Jason突然往旁邊一癱 痛
他無法呼吸 才想起原因
吃太多偉哥 讓他倒地不起...

故事就在這裡結束
主角Jason 一命嗚呼
故事告訴我們 嗚～

Bullshit Freestyle

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jason
He had no big ambitions but loved working out
"I'm not a gangster," he'd always insist
His idol was the bodybuilder from Luzhou

Besides fitness, he loved sharing the stage with girls
He'd always film girls and post them on his stories
Adding flirty captions to sneaky shots he'd take
His buddies knew the drill, asking where he found those babes

Alright, that's enough for his persona, let's continue the story
One day, a friend called him about a party at the club
Jason was at the night market, munching on some squid
He quickly swallowed the squid, his voice showing hesitation

"So, are you interested?"
"If you don't answer soon, we're heading in"
Jason said he was building his career, leaving the nightlife behind
But he casually asked if any girls were going

"Yeah, there are plenty of girls," his friend replied
Jason instantly said okay, "I'll let you know"
He hung up and called a cab without a second thought
He even loitered around after getting out, avoiding suspicion

So, you know, after about an hour of wandering around
He puffed out his chest and walked into the club
Saying he just finished some work and happened to pass by
"That's why I'm a bit late, hey"

Hoo hoo, making moves, making moves, making moves
Just finished a project, I don't have my business cards on me now
Doesn't matter, I just arrived
My place is just across the street
If it weren't for my friend, I wouldn't be here, really

Just as Jason felt confident he was making progress
He caught a glimpse of flashing light from the corner of his eye...
Flashing... I see...

Uh... I didn't bring my business card... Oh... wait, no
It's okay, take your time
Hold on, let's have some quiet, alright?
I...
What's wrong?
I've never felt this way... it's like...

It's not the party lights, it's the light of true love
If love at first sight exists, this is the panic it brings
Short hair, a tight skirt, light and natural makeup
Like the sugar glaze on Jason's favorite donuts

Before he could recover, the girl had already spoken
"Hi, my name is Emily, how are you?"
He knew this was his chance, a good answer and she'd be his
"I'm fine! Thank you! And you?"

And just like that, they hit it off
Ignoring everyone else, they headed straight for a motel
As the drinks flowed and passion ignited
Emily suddenly broke the silence, a hint of sadness in her voice

Jason, you're so bad, do you just want to have sex?
God damn, the little girl was seeking commitment

I... used to be lost
My playboy ways left me lonely
Fire burned within me
I've known pain too
Too much sex in my past
With you, I don't want to waste any more time
Jason said with squinted eyes
Looking into the distance, feeling like Leonardo DiCaprio

With her answer, the girl's worries vanished
She pulled down his pants, ready to use his balls
But Jason suddenly pulled his pants up and yelled
Emily looked at him, confused and covered in sweat

Now's not the time
We're not together yet
I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of you
In reality, Jason was just putting on an act
It was his first time, he was scared and couldn't get it up

Seeing her expression, half believing, half doubting
Jason suddenly thought of a clever way to solve the problem
Look! I'm suddenly so hungry!
I gotta go down to FamilyMart and get some chocolate

He dashed out, leaving a bewildered Emily behind
He ran downstairs at lightning speed, but didn't enter FamilyMart
He zoomed into the pharmacy across the street, no time to waste
He downed a whole pack of Viagra, instantly feeling ready

Back upstairs, Emily was crying like a child
Jason ripped off his shirt
Come on! My girl!
Joy and sorrow intertwined
At this moment, Jason felt like a winner

Just as the train was about to enter the tunnel
Jason suddenly collapsed to the side in pain
He couldn't breathe and then he remembered why
Too much Viagra caused him to fall...

And that's where the story ends
Our protagonist Jason, met his demise
The moral of the story is,呜～