Lyrics The Android Hell Blues (Extended) - Harry Callaghan , The Stupendium

Good Evening Turrets and Gentlecubes!
My name is Loose Screws Louis and I
Will be your Jazz Core for this Evening
I'm gonna sing you a song I like to call the Android
Hell Blues and it goes a little something like this:

Well, there's a place you may have heard of
It's a tale we will like to tell
When folks who's code ain't up to code
Well they go to Android Hell
Now the Devil is found deep underground
So, any faith will yell (So deep below)
Well, Aperture happens to be 10 miles down
Halfway to Android Hell
So when those lemons that life gives you
Just combust to dust and fumes
Buddy, life may give you lemons
But we got oranges and blues

Oh, they gave us cores emotions
But that doesn't gel at all
Because all I feel's repulsion
And I'm bouncin' off the walls

And each chambers full o' danger met
Before some other stranger
To test their feeble brains or bawn
Is nothing to the tester where the rest of
Autumn gets us
What's it matter what side of the glass we're on?

So may the management rail guide you
To a better place someday
Although technically, they're omnidirectional
We all know they just lead one way
So be you core, bot, cube,
Or turret (Oh, we do what we must, because we can)
Treat this Aperture factory well
Cause there's a worst fate awaiting
As your soul's emancipated
By the grills of Android Hell. ('cos we can)

Now I'd like to take a moment here to
Introduce you to some of the boys in the band
On the Skins, Mr. P-Body Brown here
Nice
Over on the keys my man Turret Designation 3141-5792-80-Z9-Alpha
And on the horn, you all know him, it's Companion Cubert
And finally sweet soulful syntax of the D Flat Defects
(Owoh oh oh oh oh oh oh oho)
Nice boys
Now if you'll excuse me I feel my second verse protocols coming on

And now my baby
She upped and left me
Told me
I was just a square (Oh no)
I said Darling, we're both spherical
She said she wasn't programmed to care. (Not Programmed to Care)
Oh, yes! The land down here's a hard one. (So hard)
Not just because of acid lakes. (All those acid lakes)
But since my first day
Had about a thousand birthdays
I've still ain't seen no cake

Yes, it's a hard life lived
For the Hardlight bridge
To that a-Railtrack in the sky
But there's no mistakin'
It's of all you will be taking
Cake is not this place's only lie

So when the door gives way to ceiling, (Door gives way to ceiling)
But your back is against the wall. (Up against the wall)
In a loop that keeps repeating
Who can say how far you will fall?
But now you've heard tell
Of Android Hell
But you've got naught to fear
We all live in the chamber
We're all already here

Thank you Turrets and Gentlecubes, I will be here all millennia