Lyrics Kids - Dick Van Dyke , Paul Lynde

Kids!
I don't know whats wrong with these kids today
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers
And while were on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue
Kids!
But they still do just what they want to do
Why can't they be like we were;
Perfect in every way!
What's the matter with kids today?
Kids!
I've tried to raise you the best I could
Kids!
All the things I've done were for your own good
Kids!
Can't you once appreciate how I've sacrificed
Working, slaving, scrimping, saving pennies
And living with your father
Kids!
No one knows the burdens I've had to bare
And in my condition!
Kids!
I'm a poor sick woman and does he care? Ha!
Go on, go on and kill me
Thats what it's coming to
When a mother has kids like you!
Kids!
All the chicken soup that i made for you!
(Mama take it easy)
Kids!
Now you throw me out like a worn-out shoe!
(Not in front of everybody mom!)
(After all haven't been such an awful son!)
(I never sashed your back or leave a ring around the bathtub)
(And don't I always phone ya?)
Kids!
You can give your life to em night and day!
Kids!
Then they go get married and move away! (Married! Ah!)
Who's getting married?
Who did we have these children?
Better to have a pet!
You know where you stand with a pet
I never asked for nothin'
Nothin' is what you'll get
What's the matter with kids to-
I tried Lou, but I failed!
(But you didn't mama! You didn't!)
Don't try to pay me back sunny
I forgive you
So what, if you're an ingrate
So long as you're happy!
(I don't wanna be happy!)
Don't feel guilty
Just make me believe I'm an old used car
Junk me!
Leave me in the gutter!
(I'll never leave you! Never!)
You heard him, you're a witness!
(I promise mama! I never broke a promise to my mama!)
Good boy!
Why can't they be like Albert?
Perfect in every way!
What's the matter with kids?
Yeah, what's the matter with kids?
Nothing's the matter with kids today!