Lyrics apathy - tea

I wanna cut all my body parts off
I just wanna be a lump of coal
Maybe then i'd have a chance to be of use
And still get to destroy this ugly world
It looks like my reflection does
For now, i'm fading in and out of consciousness
Looking for your outline on the wall
I can feel the distance grow with every passing day
And this cliff's height increasing, ever tall
It'd be so easy now to let me fall
But you don't like that imagery at all
And i just hope you're happy
I just hope you're smiling
And laughing at somebody's
Stupid joke
'Cause i'm stuck in my head again
Searching for some estrogen
To change into the person
That i know
Beside myself again, with all i wrote
Inside my mind i'll never be this ghost