Producer Name Rap

It was just another day when I walked in to Bar 9
Sat down and got talking to a girl I spied, she
Fine like Aphrodite
I said "Hi! I'm Dave, what's your name?"
She said "I'm Diana-Jane but you can call me DJ"
Hyped up this girl seemed keen, I got talking more
She was a Gemini and liked water Sports and Craft Work and retro video games
"Like the SNES?" "Hell Yes, forget these Hi Tek specs,
16 bit that's the golden age!"
Yo, Things were going great,
I ordered a drink so we could continue to conjugate
"I'll have a Max Martini - and you DJ?"
"I'll have a wine, a Red One please Dave"
We sat at a table, the waiter came
"What you hungry for DJ?"
"Fresh Food is fine, I dunno just Feed Me"
"OK, let's get a dish of the day
And I'll Tek One of the same" The food came and we ate
"Wait, waiter - what's this?" "What's wrong sir?"
"These fries are cold, I'd expect hot chips and they're not Chrispy
And The Bloody Beetroots are out of place in this dish,
And what's this, see it looks like an infected mushroom it's sick!"
"So no tip" and we left quick.
So we went with Plan B
Booked another date, figured logistics and then she
Said "Wait, my Moby's ringing - Hello? -
My Ex is on the line" "Are you still-?"
"No, he just left stuff at mine" "Um, Okay" I Xilently sighed with relief, she said
"I've just gotta drop it off at his some time"
Then the night was fine and then we said our goodbyes

The date came, she called;
But she was that sick she cancelled
Well I didn't wanna waste the night, I took the chance and went to the club, with my mates Joe and Mike,
Joe said "Mike Shi', no damn hot girls in sight - Mike, Why is that?
"'cause all these chicks is fat...
Boy slim pickings tonight." Joe agreed with that, then asked
"Mike Skin a sig, ma cravings are starting
I need a Fix" "ok, sure" and out the door they darted
Just then I heard some girls, They Stormed in, on a hen night
Running like headless chicks and gettin with every man in sight
One came over, a thin bitch
A Skinny Puppy, and Though I'm not one to judge jewels coloured a gold-y green aren't pretty,
But she started shouting in my ear, noisier than the Sub
Focusing hard so I could hear over the sound of the club
Things quickly turned intense, she asked me to Bang Her
"Are you even 18?" "Well, uh- Nero Enough, man"
"What?!" "I'm joking, here's my ID" I said "This has
Clearly been doctored" read on "Oh god, This is DJ!" - This is not good
"For Real girl, I've had enough"
"Ah you're such a bore, gonna spice things up"
She downed her cup, dipped low, and started grinding her Benny Benassi on my hips
The Friction was insane, Then her friend took a photo, I was framed!
This was Ludacris "Please, just go away, miss"
She finally heard me over the Noise, stormed off to find another boy.

I got out of there fast, but on the way back
I heard a skream outside somebody's flat
This place was
Dangerous 'cause it was late, an Owl City
But wait- that sounds like my lucky date, is she-?
Yeah, there was DJ's Shadow, So I started chasing shadows
And found a man making bare noize, shouting loud
It was her
Ex Fella with her, I stopped dead
He faced up to her Square
Push her back to the billboard behind her then said
"You'll live by my rules when you're in my house;
If you take my cheese you'll be a dead mouse!"
She said "I won't be cheated on and beaten Rob,
You're just a weak man compensating for your lil' Jon"
"WHAT?!"
He went to hit her again, with Evol Intent
But I, in defence mode, stepped in to protect
I got up in his grill, expecting a New Fight
DJ Called out, but I said "Chill, I got this Joker, alright?"
"Rob, S'why are you hitting girls, what is this? Don't get
Pushy Rob, or now who are you, Chris brown?"
"Stay out of my business"
He launched this Massive Attack
I ducked my head under so it missed
"Rob, two can play at that game" I raised my anger fist
And hit him but landing the punch made me ache on my wrist.
But he flinched, so I aimed a strong hit high,
Contrasting it with a swift kick to the thigh
Swiped his legs out, KO, when he fell base over aphex
Twinging on guilt, I checked his pulse, but he was just at rest
I said "Why don't you catch up on some Zed's?
Deadbeat guys like you deserve the curb as a bed"

DJ's incredible gaze was amazed, "my ex is insane"
"Yeah I thought mine are bad, but he's a different
Case of crazy" "Hey wait, is that Katy?" then her friend
Appeared with haste, after hearing the fray, she saw DJ with dave
Something clicked in her brain
She said, "Stay away DJ, quick he's a fake"
On her phone she showed an image, and heaped on the blame