The Sideboard Song (Live)

Mother phoned up last night, she was going spare
She was in a temper, pulling out her hair
Her sister's caught in a flapper-dookie tent
Mother don't give a fuck if this is what he said

I don't care, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
I put my beer in the sideboard here
Let mother sort it out if he comes round here

I said to me mother, "Let me have a daughter, Dad"
So he comes to the telly but he wasn't half bad
She's got no sense, that little clown
If he comes round here, there's gonna be a row

I don't care, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
I put my beer in the sideboard here
Let mother sort it out if he comes round here
If he comes round here, I put my beer
Let mother sort it out in the sideboard here
Put my beer, let mother sort it out
I don't care if he comes round here

His finger was a tramp with a stub on his chin
He looks like something that the cat's dragged in
Never got no money, smokes all my fags
Always sold his danglin' rags
On top of that he said he'd tell me why I got the hump
Said I was getting real dirty, now he's sticking out the thumb
Mother said the beer she's a-running out of clothes
He's taking a liberty as I punch him on the nose

But I don't care, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
I put my beer in the sideboard here
Let mother sort it out if he comes round here
If he comes round here, I put my beer
Let mother sort it out in the sideboard here
Put my beer, let mother sort it out
I don't care if he comes round here

If he comes round here, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
Sideboard here, I put my beer
Let mother sort it out if he comes round here
I don't care, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
Sideboard here, I put my beer
Let mother sort it, mother sort it, mother sort it out
If he comes round here

I don't care, I don't care
I don't care if he comes round here
I put my beer in the sideboard here
Let mother sort it out if he comes round here
If he comes round here, I put my beer
Let mother sort it out in the sideboard here
Put my beer, let mother sort it out
I don't care if he comes round here