Free My Soul

Yeah
I've been trying to find a reason
To get out of bed
And I've been trying to stay sober
But I drink instead
I'm 38 and I feel like death
But I'm just trying to make my peace
With my nothing left
Pretend I'm happy, got a perfect life
Kids love their daddy
And I made a living off my rapping
It's kind of crazy when I think about it
Without the rapping I'm unhappy
I know people that would switch with me like this
And do it gladly
But is it worth it
To feel emotionally deserted?
I think I struggle with the fact
That deep down, I don't deserve it
My thoughts are twisted like cursive
If not for this I'd be worthless
If I feel a type of way
It's never breaking the surface
I just bury it
These burdens we have
We ain't sharing'em
Just set it down for the rest of this trip
I'mma carry'em
A deadbeat, I feel like a bitch inside
It's embarrassing
The demons in my head
Are like a garrison
Well I've been trying to free my soul
But I sold my life to rock and roll
I've been lost on a slide
Trying to get back home
I can't remember the last time
That I was sober
Always looking for a way to find closure
I lost anything that ever meant anything to me
And it's gone
Lord and it's gone
Yeah, too many problems to count
Swallow my pride, then I bottle it down
This is the deep end and I'm in it now
Who's right or wrong?
I emphasize all my bullshit
And dwell on the past
And it ain't helping that this alcohol
Is still in a flask
And at some point, I know I've done some good
But it's kind of fucked up
Cause I only seem to think about times
I fell on my ass
I only bring up negative shit
When in conversations
And people probably think that I am hatin'
Subconsciously, I'm angry
It's sad, but it has to be true
Maybe I just want other people
To feel as bad as I do
I see the car coming at me
And I ain't planning to move
It's not a gamble
When I've got nothing to actually lose
But, I've been trying to free my soul
But I sold my life to rock and roll
I been lost on the slide
Trying to get back home
I can't remember the last time
That I was sober
Always looking for a way to find closure
I lost anything that ever meant anything to me
And it's gone
Lord and it's gone