Night Life

Talk to me then, darling. Talk up. I don't want you to think you've
Wasted your money. After all, that's what you've come to the club
For, innit? I'm worth every penny of the five pounds. I'm a
Truly sympathetic listener. Oh, the life stories I hear on trains
I'm up for the show
What show, darling?
String and rope at the Olympia
Go on
I, I'm in string
That's interesting, darling
Very interesting stuff, string. Very, very varied
Stuff, string. It's a demanding occupation
Fascinating. I'm sure people don't
Remember that about string half the time
There's more to it than you'd think, actually
I'm sure there is, dear. Well, go on then, unburden yourself
I mean, that's what you pay me for, innit? Let the words
Pour out in a hot, bubbling stream and don't mind me
I mean, enjoy yourself if you want to be a bit naughty
Well, there's, there's the thin white for doing up parcels and
Then there's the green hairy job that's used in agriculture
Fancy
Rustic twine
What'd you say, dear?
We call it rustic twine
I bet you do, dear. Look, is there anything else you
Want to talk about now that we're getting on so cosy?
Yes
What?
My wife doesn't understand me
Pardon?
My wife, she doesn't altogether satisfy my needs
Oh, um, what do they call it?
What?
That long brown stuff that smells of creosote
Oh, tarred ropeette
Oh, yes. Of course, we get familiar with that, don't we, on the
Railways. I mean, we see a lot of that
Don't we, on round boxes of fish
I change the subject
Yes, I'm travelling rose bushes
I left the product. I was referring to the wife
I thought you was, dear, but I passed it over
Well, why?
Five pounds doesn't entitle you to come in here and talk filthy
Cigarette, sir?
Who's she?
The cigarette girl
Oh, can I talk to her about the wife?
No, no, no. You have to converse with me. I'm the hostess
Well, what can I do with her?
Buy cigarettes
I don't smoke
Oh, well then she's useless to you, isn't she, darling?
Yeah, you're useless
Thank you
I'm sorry I had to pull you up like that, but there
Is a limit to the intimacies that can be referred to
I want to complain about my wife
Oh, oh, well I advise you to have marriage guidance
Marriage guidance?
Yes, my auntie's on the marriage guidance, you know. She gives it
To all comers at the Citizens Advice. She says that there's nothing
So good for you as marriage guidance, even if you're not married
I don't want to talk to your auntie
Oh, alright then, darling
I want to talk to you
Well, keep off the sordid side, there's a good boy
I mean, we get enough of that, don't we, out of the BBC
I'm not a boy, I'm forty-one and I've been twenty-five years
In string. Twenty-five years in bloody string and me wife's
Gone frigid. Yes, the last time there was anything of that was
Coronation Afternoon owing to the weather and a fault in television
Since then, nothing. Do you understand? Bloody nothing. And
Do you know what she does in the evenings? Cat's cradles
Imagine that. I come home at night just when a man wants a bit
Of comfort and her fingers is all lashed together with string
Well, marriage guidance would just
Oh, I want to live. I've got a right to, haven't I? I want a bit
Of that colour and passion and adventure like I'm entitled to
Oh, when I was young, I went to work on top of a tram and I sang
Sea shanties. I had a taste for life. Oh, I could smell the salt
In me nostrils and feel the deck pitching under me and I sang
I sang. I was going in for a beard and filthy adventures in
Yarmouth and Port Said. Oh, with a yo-heave-ho when trade winds blow
Here
There's a girl I know will welcome me
No, no, stop that. No, no, shut up. Please
With a yo-heave-ho
Stop it, stop it, stop it
And a lovely load
We haven't got a licence for it
Anyway, you've got a voice like old rope
Oh, don't mention rope to me
Oh, no, alright then, don't shout
I'm trying to forget it all
You made me lose the thread of our discussion
Thread? You don't thread rope
Here, here, here, here. You know your trouble, don't you?
What?
You're too highly strung