Pal-Tat-Chee

And now, music lovers, I know you've heard many recordings of opera
Up until now, it has only been possible to hear the recorded
Reproduction of the musical artist's performance. Through
The electronic facilities of High Fidelity, we are now able
To bring you not only the opera itself, but also the reaction
And comments of the audience, and some of the reasons that
They got trapped into going to the opera in the first place
Let's go inside and listen to a performance of Pagliacci

When I was in the city I was wonderin' where to go
A sign spelled out Pagliacci up in lights above a show
I thought 'twould be a western till the stage lit up with lights
And ninety-seven people sung without a horse in sight
I couldn't understand 'em 'cause they spoke a foreign tongue
But I can give you some idea of what I think they sung

Qui di Pagliaccio
Ben alli mi paranto

All at once there's a fat guy in a clown suit
'Tain't Halloween, that's for sure
Then this here feller, this punchineller
Begins to beller, "Yodel-ee-ay-hee-hoo"
Like we all was beasts

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

That was Pagliacci, and he sung
Investin' a tuba, and some sort of rug about Cuba
He sung about a lady who weighed two hundred and eighty
When she takes a powder, he just starts chirpin' louder
And he don't do a gol-darn thing 'cept to stand up there and sing
"When I listen to Pagliacci, I get itchy and scratchy
This sure is top corn, so I go and buy some popcorn
I hate to go back, but I can't get my dough back
There ain't no use complainin' 'cause outside it's a-rainin'"

Seven hours later, I'm still in the dern theater
Takin' turns at nappin', waitin' for somethin' to happen
Pagliacci, he ain't hurryin', but the folks on stage are flurryin'
And it sounds like Katsy Turian's neighbor dance

When ol' Pagliacci finds the guy he's seekin'
Cheek to cheek and with his wife
He grabs a knife and stabs the louse who stole his spouse
Then he stabs the lady and himself
'Tain't very sanitary
They all collapse, but ol' Pagliacci stats up, then he gats up
Sings, "I'm dyin', I am dyin", he is dyin'
I start cryin' 'cause, to tell the truth, I'm dyin' too

As the footlights fade out
We see Pagliacci laid out
But the dagger never caused it
Pagliacci was comin' to stay

Thank you, Helen Trouble