Songtexte My Mexican Christmas Gift - TurtleFrogMan

Christmas is a holiday I have some issues with
For one thing, Santa Clause is such a simple minded farce
And Jesus wasn't really born December 25th
Evidence that he was born at all is very sparse.

And then there's all the money wasted Christmas present buying
You rip the wrapping open and exclaim "I really love it"
But you don't really love it you're of course politely lying
And in three weeks its buried in some closet where you'll shove it

Given all this context I can tell you now my story
One year I spent Christmas by myself, yes, all alone
But listen I'm not looking for some pity party poor me!
I was by myself by choice as off to Mexico I'd flown!

I traded in my stocking cap for a colorful sombrero
I poured the eggnog down the drain and took ten shots of quervo
I traded portly Mrs. Clause for a slender seniorita
I traded cups of cocoa for a frozen margarita!

I was walking on the golden sand not buried in a big snow drift
That's the year that I received my Mexican Christmas gift

I flew to Cancun Mexico and stayed in a resort
I was in between relationships with no kids or commitments
From a magazine I found an ad for a pretty young escort
I was looking for a good time and might need some paid assistance

We had such a wonderful time we went places that tourists don't go
She barely spoke English and my Spanish speaking was mas por favor and bueno
We drank and we drank and we danced and we drank, were out on the town past the dawn
And when I awoke I discovered my escort, my cash and my credit cards gone

I traded in my stocking cap for a colorful sombrero
I poured the eggnog down the drain and took ten shots of quervo
I traded portly Mrs Clause for a slender seniorita
I traded cups of cocoa for a frozen margarita!

I was walking on the golden sand not buried in a big snow drift
That's the year that I received my Mexican Christmas gift

I called and I canceled all of my credit cards purchases within the hour
And I booked the next flight to the states one day after the wiser for the wear
But a few weeks later I noticed some bumps that looked like cauliflower
Growing quite large in the vegetable garden of my pubic hair

And of course I right away made appointment to get advice from a physician
And he said, "that's one of the risks that you take when you foolishly hire escorts"
And thus began the painful treatment of my new condition
The Christmas gift I got that year was a case of venereal warts

I traded in my stocking cap for a colorful sombrero
I poured the eggnog down the drain and took ten shots of quervo
I traded Christmas caroling for a wild drunken spree
I traded getting Christmas gifts for a nasty STD!

I was walking on the golden sand not buried in a big snow drift
That's the year that I received my Mexican Christmas gift