TPOS

Well, I'm a toxic piece of shit
And I hate myself
So I take my pain
Out on anybody else
That's unfortunate enough
To get close to me
And it's all I've ever known
But it's not all I can be

So don't think that I don't cry (it happens all the time)
And don't think that I don't feel the shame (nearly every day)
When I can't find sleep at night I remember my pain

I'm addicted to the hate
That I felt so long
I try to keep it down
But it comes up twice as strong
I've wasted so much time
Thinking I might see
How the tides of time
Wash over me

And I don't know how much longer I'll last (could be much longer still)
But I still have so much skin in this game (that's why I'm hanging on)
If my heart stays on repeating the past
It'll turn out the same
And I'm the one to blame

I know you don't know me
But I pray one day that you can
Know just how hard I've tried
To make myself an honest man
And I know you don't owe me
The cost just to understand
But maybe when it's finally time
You'll be there to hold my hand