Lyrics Florida Man - Bobby Mitchell

Check Twitter and what do I read
A headline that I can't unsee
Nearly defying gravity
Man climbs a flagpole takes a pee
He's at it again that Florida Man

Some things he does they just ain't right
On one stormy summer night
Grabbed his rifle boy took aim
Tried to shoot down a hurricane
He's got his own ideas, that Florida Man

Sets hospital bed on fire to get nurse's attention
Breaks into home, tries on blouse, makes breakfast

Sunshine State is his home base
Swears that it's his favorite place
He smoked a joint and he drank a case
And he tattooed Florida across his face
Now the cops can't miss him, Florida Man

Strong willed to the bitter end
He skipped parole, did not attend
Police tried to apprehend
He broke into jail to see his friends
Not the brightest boy, that Florida Man

He was horny, but not too smart
Nearly lost his private parts
Got buck naked, humped a tree
Then tried to punch the deputy
His life's one long adventure, Florida Man

High-jacks a motorized scooter and exposes himself
In front of Walmart shoppers... again

Something flipped inside his gourd
Either he was crazy or just plain bored
He attacked a jogger with a ninja sword
Then he yelled, 'ten points!' like he just scored
He's got a nose for trouble, Florida Man

He broke into a school, when he got there
Smeared feces and whipped cream everywhere
When the cops arrived and asked him why
He replied, 'well, I'm just high'
He sure gets things accomplished, Florida Man

Sittin' on a roof in his underwear
Has no idea how he got there
Had to make a number two
He slipped and fell when he got through
That's just his way, Florida Man

He tried to get an alligator drunk
The gator got mad and bit his junk
Nearly tore him right in half
He just fell back and laughed and laughed
Got a high threshold for pain, that Florida Man

It's hard to believe his luck
He clung to the side of a semi-truck
Tearin' ass down 75
When the truck pulled over he was still alive
Wearin' nothing but a bra, that Florida Man

Threw a snake through a Wendy's drive-thru window
Cause they forgot the fries... oh, he's got a temper

How he survives is a mystery
Every day he makes history
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
He doesn't think two steps ahead
But he's doin' the best he can, that Florida Man