Dear Dad

Dear Dad,
I used to want to be just like you.
And I told myself I would always try to.
But at some point, I gave up.
I was only a kid when I used to see you layed up.
Multiple Sclerosis had you weighed up.
But even though it ravaged your body it never took your heart.
But there were times as a kid That I could tell it shook you hard.
And to be honest it shook us too.
I remember whispering to Don at night like "what should we do"?
We could hear you moaning in the other room,
He just tells me not to worry that's what big brothers do.
Doctors gave you five years you always managed to pull through.
I used to wanna be just like you.
That's before I realized I'm nothing like you the
Smallest battles are the hardest for me to fight through.
You're a warrior and I'm an amateur I'm nothing like you.
You carried the weight of depression and disease but you never let it
Take you to your knees,
I used to look at god for help and I'd beg and I'd plead.
I'd ask him to heal you"please god
Please" but the MS just wouldn't leave.
And every day I go without pain I remember you don't and
When I think about living as an old man I'm reminded you won't.
And I don't know how much time I have left with you.
Sometimes it is hard for me to call or
Message you I mean honestly I just want to hug you.
But I'm out here trying to make you proud of me.
Dad, I love you.
I hope you can see that you did this to me every sermon I
Preached and person I lead you're responsible for the best in me.
But I know too well that the best in me isn't all that is left in me
I carry a lot of pain not physically like you but emotional and blue.
It's like I can't stop thinking that I should have had that disease
And not you but then again it would
Have crippled me and it doesn't stop you.
But why is it my dad has to battle this demon to death.
I promise if the disease was visible I'd cut off its head.
I HATE!
Multiple sclerosis but I understand
That life isn't sunshine and roses.
If I could push back the waters your drowning in I'd split the
Ocean like Moses and you'd land on dry ground and you'd be pain-free.
I want you to know it was your example that saved me
And everything good in me you gave me.
I could have had a billion dads but it was you who raised me and I
Hope to be half the man you are because I know
Just being just like you would have been too hard.