Lyrics Salty Seamen - Dan Bull

Oi, girls and boys, and others (you!)
Gird your loins, you buggers (yeah!)
As I tell a story that'll appal the naughtiest of mothers
Get a load of this, you lubbers, here's what happens at sea
Though it hasn't been screened for factual accuracy
They don't call me "Captain Blueballs" due to testicular torsion
Although my quest for fortune's twisted with my sexual organs
I'm a legendary swordsman, never rest until I get me portion
And I suggest when you address me you use every caution
Or I'll have to let you pick which of your bloody legs be shortened
I recommend the middle one would give the best proportion
Now, set the course, head for better shores and rest assured
I'll blow the man down like a wind coming from west to north
(Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Blunderbussing a filthy load of salty seamen
(Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen
Nobody knows how many hos I've heaved loads
I leave broken hearts and swollen ovaries whence I sow my seeds
Both at home on dover beaches to far reaches overseas
And I don't believe I've ever even done it soberly
You can find me at the dock carousing to the crack o' dawn
Cock a doodle doo that cock's arousing, you
Round the horn we sail leaving chaos in our wake
Trails of jetsam, flotsam
Be warned, it's pouring up ahead, fellas, get the coxwain
I haven't got an trousers on, bring me a pair of bottoms
It gets so hot in the poop deck, I don't wear 'em often
We get robbing and covered in sweat, sodden
Every available man, come on the deck, swab 'em
Or I'll grab me cat o' nine tails, tie 'em up and flog 'em
If the sea dog's naughty, then I'll shove another knot in
'Til he's singing like a nightingale, feeling like a knife impaled him
It's the kind of tale that happens every time we pirates sail
Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Blunderbussing a filthy load of salty seamen
(Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen
Avast! What's that across the horizon?
A vast mass of rugged rock is arising
Full of swollen bulging veins, imagine all the ores on that
Grab the oars, we'll have to drill a shaft and fill up all her cracks
I'm brining a massive swinging sack of big cannonballs
And I'm still considering in which hole to ram 'em all
Getting my hands on your booty is my true calling (yes)
X marks the spot I'm gonna thrust my tool in
I met a whaler that was out looking for sperm
Harpooned him in his blowhole, split him from stem to stern
Leave your timbers shivered, rearrange your guts
When I stick my dussack in your gizzards, see you later, nuts!
(Fare thee well)
No cutlass needed, to leave cut lads screaming
Orifices leaking body fluids, is he bleeding?
Whatever it is, he's feeling sore in every region
Got a problem with it? Well, excuse me for breathing
Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Blunderbussing a filthy load of salty seamen
(Heave! Ho!) We love to parley hard, yeah
Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason
(We! Know!) That we love a jolly Roger
Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen