Lyrics The Abyss - Dax

Everything I did, I always gave my best
I don't know if anyone relates but the feeling that I get, it's like a truck sitting on my chest
Wonderin', how much do I got left?
My last call, my last step
I'm not gonna wait just to see what's next
I go hard 'cause today could be my last breath

We do life, and we can't relive it (can't relive it)
We only get one chance, if you blink then you might just miss it (I swear you'll miss it)
Many people come and go, they all just visit
Don't ever expect nothin' different
Just listen as I paint this image that you'll all revisit
Yeah, my glass half empty, but I still might sip it

I was traumatized
What would you have said when you was looking in my mama's eyes? (Nothing)
Yeah, I might have said I was okay, but I probably lied
So this pain is how I harmonize
Make an impact, that's what I personify
Yes, I'm making music that you cannot just define by the numbers on my Spotify

All of this pain, I just wanna be happy
Mom almost died the same day that she had me
Drivin' to the hospital she swerved and crashed badly
Doctor said I was a miracle while looking at my daddy
I was zero when I first dodged death
I was six when the devil told me to watch my step
Couldn't sleep, I was scared to go inside my bed
Fighting demons, I was hearing things inside my head

So back to the doctor, he didn't have a diagnosis
So my whole damn life I felt lost while fighting psychosis
Talking to myself, hopin' nobody would notice
Mom said, pray every time I heard the voices
Life or death, everyday I swear I made choices (I made choices, man)
Life in my hand trying not to lose focus, playing basketball religiously to drown out the noise

Let me explain that it's like laying on train tracks
Grabbing guns, contemplating blowing your brain back
Eyes closed shut, watching everything fade black
People stepping over you, you feel like a place mat, fuck
And let me make it clear
God is the only one that I've ever feared
But you start to get paranoid and look over your shoulder
When these people have been hurting you for so many years

So I had to escape
If you're listening, I know that you relate
It's that feeling that you get like your life and existence was all just one big mistake
I felt trapped and I couldn't find space
I went and got lost in the things I create
Ever since I was a kid, people hated, and they judged everything that I did
So I went into my mind and created the abyss
Man, I swear I did it

How the hell y'all think I make all these hits?
It's 'cause I've been broken, beaten, dragged, laughed at, scorned, burned and kicked
So I get to reach in this endless pit of hurt and pain from all that shit
And that's the only reason that you people come here
Or, for God's sake, even know that Dax exists

This how it feels to drown
This is how it looks when you're lost, and you can't be found
The abyss was a place I'd visit, but I went so much that I'm gone, and I'm stuck here now
This is not music, this is not dope
This is me begging y'all to throw me a rope
So I keep tryna climb out the place where I came in my life when I spiraled and first lost hope

Let me explain
I've been Dax so long, I get PTSD when somebody says my real name
But I guess that's the price you pay
I didn't want it to be like this
But I guess it is what it is
Inside the abyss