Lyrics Beyond My Doorstep - Decora

Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged, you see?
Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged

I was born in the South, chitlins and grits
By the age of one, parents, they decided to split
Pops took me back to Brooklyn, I'd be damned if it's
Not crazy how many babies die from crackheads and tricks
Black eyes, bloody knuckles by the young age of six
I was always fightin', always down in the mix
Prison pipeline was born at PS-156
Then I moved upstate and my whole life switched
I remember second time somebody called me a "nigga"
It was my best friend's mom, what the hell I expect?
All white neighborhood, five black kids
Delhi, New York in the '90s at this
I was straight out of Brownsville, Tyson on my wrist
Traded pigeons for the Delaware River, crayfish
Chewin' tobacco, ATVs, shotguns in the 6th grade
I wanted to be like all the other kids and get paid
I used to help around the house with money I made
While middle class white kids used to play with their moms
Go to sleep away camp and travel abroad
I was collectin' cans, shovelin' snow, cuttin' their lawns
I still couldn't fit in, the only Black kid they passed
My whole life was a sit-in, "Sit in the back of the class"
"We don't segregate, you can sit in the back of the bus"
"We don't discriminate, you can sit right behind us"
Cafeteria, library, boy, sit with your race
Sit wherever you wanna sit, so long as you sit in your place
I just wanted to belong, I just wanted to be cool
So I started gettin' money, became the thief of the school
Stealin' oxygen out of water just to suffocate pools
So I could drown in my own tears and float on the rest
I don't wanna be judged, just wanna speak from my chest
And document all of this in case I reach my last breath

Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged, you see?
Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged

Who ever thought in Puerto Rico, I'd still be a "nigga"?
"A mono, amigo" the nappy hair who couldn't speak the language
Hang out at the basketball courts with the gang-bangers
It wasn't really my forte, just like shootin' hoops
It's funny how pain unites people
I remember sittin' in Rita's driveway eatin' cuchifritos
Watchin' Minga y Petraca, eatin' bacalaitos
Neighbor twerkin' on the door like "Ay, que rico"
We dated for a month, then she dated Pepito
Talkin' 'bout "Él tiene un carro y me da besitos"
Whatever chick, I couldn't wait to leave Calle Cinco
Moved to the Bronx with the rest of the gringos
Fell in love with a stripper when I was in 10th grade
She was in the 12th, but she helped my memories fade
I sold bootleg CDs and made mixtapes
A bag full of BB guns, comin' straight from school
Shootin' at pedophiles on Zerega Ave, actin' a fool
Shit, I barely passed, not my grades, but my life
By the age of 16, attempted suicide twice
Depressed, always ready to fight
Orange razor blade in my pocket, and I'm searchin' for the light
Walkin' on the edge like, "Fuck it, I might take a flight"
Then I go back to my room, I was ready to write
I hated everything and everybody that seemed right
Like, "Why is it not me?", like, "Why aren't I like?"
I just wanna be free, I just wanna be hype
Who would have thought I would invite so much strife?
But it's hard to have vision when you can't gain sight
Started cuttin' myself, while in search of the light
Just to feel emotion, I couldn't feel nothin' right
Felt the love and the pain at the end of a knife

Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged, you see?
Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I just don't wanna be judged

We all deal with the same shit in different ways
Doesn't mean you a good soul just 'cause you rockin' J's
And just rockin' J's doesn't mean you gettin' paid
And just 'cause you paid doesn't mean that you're happy
Money will make you smile, but won't keep you from laughin'
And laughing'll keep you happy, but won't keep you from cryin'
Crying'll make you feel alive, but won't keep you from dyin'
That's why I'm cryin' at this doorstep before I open the door
And my son runs in my arms and I fall to the floor
Thinkin' 'bout the time I was a kid wanting much more
Thinkin' 'bout my past and how I had so much more in store
I wanna be the best father, Father, please understand
It ain't easy raisin' a child and still becomin' a man
But, then again, then again
Then again, then again
Then again, then again

Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, just don't wanna be judged, you see?
Beyond my doorstep, ain't much to write about
I was a normal kid with normal problems, but I'd write it out
Plus, my therapist said it's probably best to talk about it
So I talk about it, I talk about it
I'll talk about it, I'll talk about it
I'll talk about it, I'll talk about it