Phunky Az Phuck

[Intro: Eric B. & (Rock)
Gon' run this shit
(Fuck it up, E)

Comin' out the box like Jack, watch your back

Caught sleepin', you might get smacked
With a dose of a dope verse, don't exceed the dosage

It's all skulls and crossbones while I wrote this
Situation drastic, so don't be sarcastic
Get enthusiastic, you might get your ass kicked
Left flabbergasted, blasted, call me Mr. Fantastic

Tongue stretches like elastic
Consider me death of me you better not brush
I rush, crush and mush, turn icebergs to slush
You can call me crazy 'cause I'm goin' apeshit
Two or three times as devastating as a late hit
As I release a masterpiece, to say the least
Fuck with me and I'll break that mouthpiece
The pioneer, I am here

Yeah, the baddest motherfucker in the Northern Hemisphere
My lyrics and diction becomes an addiction
Contradiction and friction is my jurisdiction
How could you face this? Your time is wasted
You ain't got flavor, your shit is tasteless
You ran a scam, a sham, a flimflam
The way you broke the rules, you coulda been a lamb
Lost in the sauce, Mary's lookin' for you now
But don't get nervous now, wipe that sweat from your brow

'Cause I'ma expose those who chose to oppose
And send their ass runnin' like pantyhose
Comin' out the cuff, callin' your bluff

Try to play rough and tough, but you're soft as a creampuff
Pound for pound, round for round, I found I'm bound
To astound, knock you to the ground
With the style unorthodox, you can label and stamp it
A black man runnin' rampant

Itch and twitch on all fours like a bitch
You overdosed on a dope rhyme, hangin' by a thread and a stitch
The gift sent you on a trip
With the twist of my lip, I made you flip and flop
Rhymes I drop to beats that I concoct
My rhymes go boom, while others go pop

In it to win it, not to earn the extra bucks
But when it comes from the heart, Eric Vaughn is funky as fuck
[Interlude: Rock & (Eric B.)
Yo, you flipped it
(Yeah, man, you know my Bronx-born
Troop
But you know what time it is, man)
Kick that shit, Jeff
(Aight, check it out)

I say a rhyme with sync and with syntax
On top of beatin' and press it on thin wax
Then maxin' weight for the comp to come
Because you know some asshole'll be so dumb
So crews, pick the strongest man and send the jerk on

I'll do work on the sucker with a smirk on
This competition reminds me of slapstick
You're funny, but money, you get waxed like ChapStick

Call this a rap flick and I'd be the master
I'll teach you, you bastard, put a foot in your ass
To let suckers know a battle's like tens in your rectum
And rappers are like science projects, I dissect them
From the beat to the brain and broaden the spectrum
Reconnect them and send them in the right direction
With the voice infection injection in your eardrum
From the brother you been dyin' to hear from
'Cause even after I drop rhymes on drums, some
Didn't get the picture, so I'ma paint another one

With the paper as canvas, the pen is an airbrush
Rhymes are full of color with a soul-rub feel to the drum track
Sharp as a thumbtack (Yo, as smooth as what?)
Smooth as they come, black
This is my craft and I don't half-ass
Write lines just to hear 'em rhyme 'cause I'm
A poet at heart, I try to show it with art
But suckers wanna start now, wherefore art thou?
I hold my ground and you can't uproot me
If you wanna take me out, you better shoot me

Still my soul'll shine like a light
You can't beat knowledge, I don't care how good your fight

My mind's swifter with the gift of

Shift the fifth dimension, clenchin'
The microphone tight, adjust the tone right
And set the rhyme in flight
MCs duck so they won't get struck by a rhyme run amok

'Cause it's funky as fuck
[Interlude: Rock & (Eric B.)

(Ooh, yo, yo)
Like that, money?
(That shit was dope, man, yo)

(That shit was funky)
I ain't finished yet

I get loose like a project floozy
So check the rhyme 'cause this one's a doozy

I write a lyric on paper with a black pen
Lay it on track 10 and mix it to wax then
Eric'll backspin when we do a live show
Then in the front row, pull about five hoes
I'm good on stage, but I'm better with the honey-dips
They call me Mac Daddy and brothers call me money grip
'Cause I keep a knot in my pocket, but I don't scramble or gamble
I just drop rhymes on a dope drum sample
People inquire and I give an example
(How much?) One verse is ample

Because I do it well enough to convince 'em
I'm gifted, intelligent, handsome, and then some
When some rapper tries to run up on me
I don't play that shit, I do 'em like laundry
I wash and rinse 'em and hang 'em out to drip-dry
For tryin' to take advantage of a hell of a nice guy

But I've been known to flip like Norman Bates
Wanted state-to-state for performin' great
I grab the mic and say, "To the beat, y'all"
And draw a crowd like a street brawl
I draw a rhyme like an artist, I start with a sketch
An idea that I'll etch just so I can let ya
Know not to sleep, you better not doze on
I snatch the mic when the host says, "Show's on"

Rhymes are dropped like bird shit and word fits perfect
You think this is dope? You ain't heard shit

I'll take the mic like a handshake and grip it
(Then what?) Treat the party like a pancake and flip it
Stage a battle, I guarantee a no-show
Competin' against Def Jeff is a no-no

Rhymes are thrust out and bust out
And rappers are cussed out and fussed out
Only 'cause I must outdo any gender, contender offenders
Remind me of the flatters, you're great pretenders
If rhymes was money, I'd be a big spender
And battlin' me won't be a fender bender, but a collision
So I hope you got insurance
Still will drive determination and endurance
'Cause I go the distance with a long skid

Suckers are suckin' up my rhymes like a bong hit
And it's the strong shit 'cause I heard you're chokin' and sweatin'
The rhymes are threatenin' and you're soakin'
Smokin' my dick as if it were a glass pipe
But I'll diss you like toilet tissue, you asswipe
And now you're wiped out and shit out of luck
And you're stuck like a broke-down truck
While I'm funky as fuck

Aight, one-two, one-two
Yeah, let that funky beat play, Eric Vaughn
Check it out
I'ma give a crazy shoutout to all my brothers and sisters
Who keepin' hip-hop movin' forward
We got Body and Soul, DJ Trace-Ski, Divine Styler
The Nile Kings, Tone Loc and the Loc Tribe
Afrika Islam, Donald D, Henry G

Ice-T, Randy Mac, Troy and the rest of the Rhyme Syndicate crew
The Throwdown Twins, Ronnie DeVoe, Julio G
Mellow Man Ace, Tony G, Special K, Whipper Whipp

Digital Underground, I heard your new shit
That shit is slammin'
Kritty, Krush, Bronx Style, Bob, Muggs, 73
Ron Mack, Dr. Dre from N.W.A.

We gonna send this one out to the East Coast in New York City
To my brothers Jimmy and Kaseem, the Big Daddy Kane
Chuck D, my man D-Nice and KRS-One
Shabazz and Lo-Kwon, Kid 'n Play, Doctor Ice
Mark the 45 King, Shakim, Queen Latifah
Kika, Al and the rest of the Flavor Unit
Oh, my man Lakim Shabazz, peace, black

Ice Cream T, DJ Miz, Serge, Gang Starr
Richie Rich, Plastic Man, Clark Kent
The Jungle Brothers and Dr. Dre and Ed Lover
Peace

Peace, world, this is DJ Eric Barnes, the crossfade wiz
And I'd like to give a shoutout to all
The hip-hop crews from the old school
The Unstoppable Crew from Sheridan Ave in the Bronx
DJ Louie Lou, Chucho, Sugar Ray, the Giganti family
And the rest of the Sheridan Ave posse
I'd like to take time to spit at the original undefeated force
The amazing Bombay, E-Z Dice, DJ Koolie Breeze
And the incredible DJ MC T La Rock
I'd like to take time to spit at my boy Mark in Boston

Timmy, a.k.a. the Grand Chop T-Rock, Lamont
Larry G, my niece and nephew Christian T
Amy, my boy Jess B, my godson Ruby
And my ace boom Smit the Smooth
Peace

Ayo, check it out, we got the Soul Brothers in the house
They wanna say a little something
Yo, yo, Soul Brother Craig D in the house
My shoutouts are going to Arian and Killer Man Gerald
My brother Ken, my man Junior, my girl Salima in NYC
The greatest, my man Rod, Lou Ski, ah
My man Stretch, the Ski team, BMC
All the cuddies and all the fly honey dips
Peace, Jah love

Yo, this is Legend on the Hoodie Mack tip, bro shot
Yo, this goes out to my brother who punks 'em, DJ
Punk D, my Punk D, my Punk D, haha
Yeah, my ace boom coon Kevin, sucker dog, you in the house
My boy Albert, Nicky, my boy Craig D Frazier
A NYC shoutout to the Masters of the Doo-Hop, real
Scoob and Scrap Lover and the brothers and sisters at Mott's
Number 27, ghost

Yo, this is V-Love and I got crazy shoutouts
Of course to all the Cuddy Macks
My brother Zach and Mom, Latoya, Grimm
Tim, Shawn Nice, Afra and her whole New York crew
My boy Charles in Oakland (Yo, Charlie, baby)
KB and Kenny, Kid Loose, Todd from Def Jam
D-V and D and all my bro shots
Jackie T in Brooklyn and peace to the Nation of Islam
And all the Rastas, positive