Lyrics The Poodle Lecture (Live In Zagreb, November 21, 1975) - Frank Zappa

Now I don't know how much difficulty you're going to have
In following this particular transition
Because what we intend to do tonight, ladies and gentlemen
Is try and give you an idea of the kind of a show that we would play for anybody in the United States
This is your unmodified United States of America imported rock and roll program
With all of the, that's right, with all of the glamour and all of the excitement minus all of the equipment

Now, normally
Let's say we're sitting in the middle of some pasteurized homogenized place in the middle of the United States of America
And it was this part of the show
What would we do? Well, we would do this. Watch

To you, this is some toilet paper, right?
But not tonight, because you're gonna have to use your very own Yugoslavian imagination
And picture that this toilet paper is actually a dog
Now, this may take a little work but try it

Now this is a dog
Do you know what a poodle is? (Pas) You do?
How many? He knows
Anybody else know what a poodle is?
Yes, some people do. Okay
Well, I don't know what a poodle looks like in Yugoslavia, but
Bring the band on down behind me, boys

Look, in the United States of America, you remember that place
They have these dogs called poodles
And the poodle is normally owned and operated by somebody's mother
The kind of a mother with steaming blue hair and a little costume jewelry
Perhaps a sway of mink in the closet
These are the people who are, well, and our road manager too
These are the kind of people who would take the poodle as a way of life

Now, the poodle, as represented by this toilet paper, side one, side two
The poodle in its natural state is a regular looking dog
It has hair all over its body
But when an American mom gets a hold of a poodle
She has to cut part of the hair off to make it look special, see?
Changing the poodle's appearance to make it more exotic, see?
Now this is a fully trimmed American poodle, as you can see
This means that the poodle in the United States is one of the ugliest fucking things you'll ever see in your life

Now this song is a song that deals with the possibilities
Of a sexual union between your mother
Even here in Yugoslavia
Your mom and the poodle itself, and it goes like this

One, two, three, four