Lyrics Teratoma - Goodsleeper

Shadow stained walls
Echoed voices sound
I call out for help
But no one's there to help me back up when I fall
Made an enemy of all those I'd ever hoped for
Don't lift me from where I crawl
I belong in my hole
Help me
I cannot bare my own company
This pathetic waste cannot be me forever
With any luck I'll fuckin cut short my endeavor
I don't wanna live like this
But I don't wanna die
There is no escape
So why do I try?
Intoxicated on romanticizing empty life
Self destruction is my needle that I crave at night
That I crave at night
My addiction is depression, makes me feel alive
Why the second I get better do I wanna die?
Mind of paradoxes, optionless, I cannot hide
This prison I reside, I've locked myself in from the inside

Write another letter to myself and then I
Pretend to feel better while I'm tryna not kill myself
What a vicious cycle
Where I just recycle
Coping mechanisms and call myself the victim
Vital details I left out
To justify my actions
To justify recovery I don't deserve to happen
How could I?
When I know my soul is blackened
Or is it just imposter syndrome?
How would I know?
My back bends backwards avoiding people
To save them all the misery of knowing me
Heh, clearly I don't know me
If I'm out here advertising that I'm lonely
How could I be lonely when I got friends saying I'm not alone
So I'm not alone am I?
So, show me home
Show me where I can recover
Show me where my water stone
I know I may never find closure for the trauma I been through
That's why I cope with all this falter
By letting it run over me
Stampede on my dome piece
Givin' in is how I'm coping
And still I wonder how I always end up broken
Maybe I should focus more on finding where the rope is
I'm hopeless