Lyrics Venting III - J Magnus

Its's been a while since we been here
I got a project coming soon so
Three

Yeah, yeah uh
I seem to drink more than I used to
I'm defeated, a little more than I chose to
Admit to myself and the world
Will I pull through?
I'm not as strong as I thought I was
It doesn't look good
I thought I'd bruise through
You should think of everybody that's counting on you to
Make it to where you could open some doors
God Really did choose you
So get up and get to work
Talking about breaks, how could you?

Yeah, but right now I'm at my dark prime
It's about time that I stop lying
To myself about what I might find (already tried)
In my grind I found a lifeline
For a time but now it's flat lining
In my dreams I see you praised, shining
But I wake to see you frail, dying (throw in the towel)
Slow violin, we lost buddy
Black dudes and low riders
More dudes and and more riders
Printed tees, a small choir
Moms and them are all crying
Pastor said the lord's timing
Best friend said he was so tired
Still mad how could you stop trying? (mad at you dawg)
All gathered in memory of
Thought that I'd be something more
But lately I question it dawg
Have you forsaken me God? Huh?
Did you bring me to the desert then forget me?
I can't seem to move forward
Or maybe I should count my blessings
Recognize that this a test
Then maybe I'll be less affected, aggressive
And more effective
But fact is I'm tired of faking
Finding peace in situations
Frankly I just need some changes Lord!
Throw in a mansion, ten at least
Fifty something sets of keys
And the influence of the Genovese
A lot of wisdom, a mind at ease
Many years to my mother please
For the nights I prayed myself to sleep give my heart some peace

I've accepted I'm quite flawed
I'm most likely far gone
My love life is now showing I've been rolling the dice on it
I'm not ready the time's wrong
Another lover a bygone
When I'm sober that fight's on
Strip club till the lights on
And my relationship is messy
Fronting tryna convince her and myself that I'm happy
Few months deep but it's been a few years since
I've felt like I'm the shit and meant it when I said I'm here
I'm absent minded half the time, the other half I'm out my mind
Punching walls, I'm really tired
Resilience I've redefined cause I've been smiling like I'm fine
Either that or I'm sugar coating the fact that I'm a liar
But alcohol is problem solving
Been drinking until I'm over my limit but keep it going
Weight of the world on my shoulders
I feel myself getting colder, losing sleep and losing focus
Losing faith and feeling hopeless
In a striper I found solace that's how tainted my soul is
Don't know if I'm coming or going
I guess we'll find out on the next instalment