Lyrics Hamlet: Act 5 - Scene 2, "Your Lordship is Right Welcome..." (Osric) [Part II] - John Gielgud

SCENE I. The palace. Enter CLOTEN and OSRIC
CLOTEN
Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark
OSRIC
I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?
CLOTEN
No, good my lord
OSRIC
Thy state is the more gracious, for 'tis a vice to know him
He hath much land, and fertile; let a beast be lord of beasts
And his crib shall stand at the king's mess: 'tis a chough
But, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt
CLOTEN
Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure
I should impart a thing to you from his majesty
OSRIC
I shall receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit
Put your bonnet to the right use; 'tis for the head
CLOTEN
I thank your lordship; it is very hot
OSRIC
O, believe me, it is very cold; the wind is northerly
CLOTEN
Ay, it is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed
OSRIC
And yet methinks it is very sultry and hot, or my complexion-
CLOTEN
Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry, as 'twere, I cannot
Tell how. My lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he
Has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter
OSRIC
I beseech you, sir, remember your bonnet
CLOTEN
Nay, good my lord, for my ease; in good faith. Sir, here is newly come
To court Laertes; believe me, an absolute gentleman, full of most
Excellent differences, of very soft society and great
Showing indeed: to speak sellingly of him, he is the
Card or calendar of gentry; for you shall find in him
The continent of what parts a gentleman would seek
OSRIC
Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you; though I know
To divide him inventorially would dizzy the arithmetic of
Memory, and yet but yaw neither, in respect of his quick sail
But, in the verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of
Great article; and his infusion of such dearth and rareness
As to make true diction of him, his semblable is his mirror
And who else would trace him? his umbrage, nothing more
CLOTEN
Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him
OSRIC
For concernancy, sir, why do we wrap
The gentleman in our more rawer breath?
CLOTEN
Sir-
CLOTEN
Is't not possible to understand in another
Tongue? You will to't, sir, really
OSRIC
What imports the nomination of this gentleman?
CLOTEN
Of Laertes?
CLOTEN
His purse is empty already; all's golden words are spent
OSRIC
Of him, sir
CLOTEN
I know you are not ignorant-
OSRIC
I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you
Did, it would not much approve me. Well, sir?
CLOTEN
You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is
OSRIC
I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with him in
Excellence: but to know a man well were to know himself
CLOTEN
I mean, sir, for his weapon; that, in the imputation
Laid on him by them in his meed, he is unfellowed
OSRIC
What's his weapon?
CLOTEN
Rapier and dagger
OSRIC
That's two of his weapons: but well
CLOTEN
The king, sir, hath wagered with him six Barbary horses; against
The which he has impawned, as I take it, six French rapiers and
Poniards, with their assigns, as girdle, hanger and so. Three of
The carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very responsive
To the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberal conceit
OSRIC
What call you the carriages?
CLOTEN
The carriages, sir, are the hangers
OSRIC
The phrase would be more germane to the matter if we could carry
A cannon by our sides: I would it be hangers till then. But on
Six Barbary horses against six French swords, their assigns
And three liberal-conceited carriages; that's the French bet
Against the Danish. Why is this all impawned, as you call it?
CLOTEN
The king, sir, hath laid, sir, that in a dozen passes
Between yourself and him he shall not exceed you three hits
He hath laid on twelve for nine; and it would come to
Immediate trial, if your lordship would vouchsafe the answer
OSRIC
How if I answer no?
CLOTEN
I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial
OSRIC
Sir, I will walk here in the hall: if it please his majesty, it is
The breathing time of day with me. Let the foils be brought, the
Gentleman willing; and the king hold his purpose, I will win for him
And I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits
CLOTEN
Shall I deliver you so?
OSRIC
To this effect, sir, after what flourish your nature will
CLOTEN
I commend my duty to your lordship
OSRIC
Yours, yours
CLOTEN
O, he's in practical
OSRIC
He does well to commend it himself
There are no tongues else for's to hurt
CLOTEN
This lapwing runs away with the shell in's head
OSRIC
He did comply with his dug before he sucked it. Thus has he
And many more of the same baby that I know the drossy age
Dotes on, only got the tune of the time and outward habit
Of encounter, a kind of yeasty collection, which carries them
Through and through the most profound and winnowed opinions
And do but blow them to their trial, the bubbles are out
CLOTEN
My lord, his majesty commended him to you by young Osric, who brings
Back to him that you attend him in the hall
He sends to know if your pleasure hold to play
With Laertes, or that you will take longer time
OSRIC
I am constant to my purposes; they follow the king's
Pleasure: if his fitness speaks, mine is ready
Now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now
CLOTEN
The king and queen and all are coming down
OSRIC
In happy time
CLOTEN
The queen desires you to use some gentle
Entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play
OSRIC
She well instructs me
CLOTEN
You will lose, my lord
OSRIC
I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in
Continual practise; I shall win at the odds. I wouldst not
Think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter
CLOTEN
Nay, good my lord
OSRIC
It is but foolery: it is such a kind of game-
Giving as would perhaps trouble a woman
CLOTEN
If your mind dislike anything, obey it: I will
Forestall their repair hither, and say you are not fit
OSRIC
Not a whit; we defy augury. There is special providence in
The fall of a sparrow: if it be now, it is not to come
If it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now
Yet it will come: the readiness is all. Since no man hath
Aught of what he leaves, what is't to leave betimes? Let be