Lyrics Mistakes - LEX the Lexicon Artist

I used to think that my parents didn't love me
I used to think that I was ugly
I used to think that everything I did was just a waste of my energy
I'd take every single friend I had and make her my enemy

I was, filled with rage at the age of 8
I'd spend my days with all the boys making paper planes
We'd throw them at the neighboring school, get thrown in detention
We weren't the cool kids but we owned the attention

I spent a long time living under a shadow
Proving that I was good enough was always a battle
The teachers called me bossy, but I think I was just mean
Cause I insisted every time on putting I in the team

And I remember losing at Go to some random kid
And I flipped my shit and screamed that I could kick his ass at violin
Then I quit my Go lessons, and violin as well
Where would I be if I had challenged myself?

Because

I don't really know where to go from here
I wanna make mistakes but I'm cold with fear
Do I have what it takes, am I just being stupid
I wanna change the world but I don't know how to do it

I'm sorry to all the kids that I tormented
Who never thought their childhood bully would be repentant
I can tell you I will never know how much it hurt
Would it make you feel better to know I got what I deserved?

I'm sorry to the friends that I betrayed
I think I got too cocky for my pants, I thought I had it made
But I was climbing a ladder I didn't know would break
So when it did I wasn't prepared to accept my own mistake

My friends abandoned me and left me on my own
They will never know the agony of eating lunch alone
And I totally deserved it for my lack of willpower
I had the talk of a hot shot and the actions of a coward

I'm sorry to the people that I lied to
I can't repair the damage even if I tried to
But most of all, I'm sorry to my mom and dad
I know you wanted me to write a song that's not as sad
But

I don't really know where to go from here
I wanna make mistakes but I'm cold with fear
Do I have what it takes, am I just being stupid
I wanna change the world but I don't know how to do it

A friend from the internet messaged me saying great tunes
I told him thank you for listening and to stay tuned
Nine days later I find out that he passed away
And now I feel like trash cause I never asked what he had to say

Just because I'm an artist don't mean that I'm a savior
Or making music to make excuses for bad behavior
My words don't carry more weight cause I put them onto paper
Really it's the one thing that makes me think that I'm not a failure

I tried a lot of things from theater to fiction
Turns out rapping's the only way that people would listen
You'd think that it assisted with friendship but I admit that
Part of why I love the stage is that keeps them at a distance

I think I need to take a step back and curb my ego
Let down my walls and open my heart to other people
Until then I don't think that I can change the world
I'll remain an overly ambitious Asian girl

I don't really know where to go from here
I wanna make mistakes but I'm cold with fear
Do I have what it takes, am I just being stupid
I wanna change the world but I don't know how to do it