Lyrics Suicide - Lexa Terrestrial

Lexa Terrestrial
On some existential
Thought provoking
Boner inducing
Straight confusion on my conscious soaking
I had hope, dreams
Flow queen, outgoing
Wanna quote me loathing fear
I'm just here choking from my rope swing
Why the hell do i stay healthy
I won't make it past 30
I told my mom that i was suicidal
Thought i was joking and laughed
Said i'm dramatic & exotic
Too potent
Too toxic
Maybe i'm just too deep for your kiddy pool nonsense
Seems like my mind is just a basket
For this trash that i compacted
And these walls inside my head
It's like i built myself a casket
I'm not asking for a better life
A better mind perhaps
Cause i don't have it
Synaptic path can't grasp if it's inactive
If you think you won't be happy
If you think that you aren't loved
You're wrong
Can't realize it when fears pilling
I'll try to spit this song
I pray the words i wrote invoke some hope to carry on because inevitably
Eventually
We age and can't hang on
(Ugh)
I keep on going
Keep on working
Keep on trying
Or I lose all fucking hope
I stop the grinding
Start the dying
And i'm bitter
But i'm not a quitter
Life's a bitch, i'd miss her.
Got respect for my man
I'll be his baby til the day I can't
(Na na na na)
No gas
I'm self driven
Speed away from fears
But the cops they pull me over and they found some empty beers
I guess these nights they aren't for sleeping
Got my pillow soaked in tears
I keep my eyes open and dreaming let them drip into my ears
Weird
I've never been this committed to suicide
Especially cause my friend just died
Someone in my head screaming
How'd they get inside?
I can't prioritize importance my whole life has been objectified
Big butts and bad luck
They say slow n' steady wins the race
I'm fast paced and reckless
Kinda hard to chase
Been running round in circles
Kinda hard to trace
(Ugh)
Patience is a virtue
But its hurts to wait
Here comes that lump in my throat again
Don't think that I can play pretend
My mind is telling me I'm gonna fuck it up again
So I'll probably fuck it up again
(Probably fuck it up again)