Lyrics Most of Me - MeatSpady

How the fuck you pose to live life with a conscious
Yourself telling yourself shit which is nonsense
Then you get to talking to yourself like I got this
To realize you respond to your own fucking responses
Maybe it's just me maybe I'm fucked up
Or maybe it's just me only I lucked up
See everybody got a story it's just a matter of
Who gone listen to the shit cause everybody not worried
But how can you blame em? They got they own bullshit
And ya problems just adding on more shit
So how far you willing to go before you force it
Story of my life for the vise or the versa
But y'all don't understand like my verses in cursive
I curse at everybody who say I should stop cursing
(Shut the fuck up)
My only joy is pain I'm better off hurting
But everything I live for I die for
It's hard to understand when you dying to live
Apologize if these bars going over your head
Then again no I don't cause I ain't rapping for kids but
Speaking of kids I pay for mines monthly
I guess my baby mom felt my something wasn't nothing
Truth be told she bitter I ain't fucking with her
(I ain't fucking with her)
Using my kids to treat me like a sucker nigga
Look how the chips fall
I went from having your face on my shirt
To kicking your stupid ass out my car
Kids in the back screaming please stop fighting
She was Chung Li I was feeling like Byson
If she was Robin Givens I was fin to be Tyson
Yelling in my ear disrespecting my license
It was only one way for her to stay alive
(One way)
So I left her right on the shoulder of 95
To my daughter and my son I apologize
(Sorry y'all)
Cause they seen superman with fire in his eyes
Til this day that still hurt my heart
I never wanted them to see daddy play that part
Never wanted them to hear daddy say bad words
Or constantly have to hear daddy be at work
Daddy never got time have to be that jerk
Maybe they'll understand when they older
Raising royalty but train mines like soldiers
(Atten hut)
Try to do my best while I'm coherent
Only to realize that it's no such thing as good parents
Whichever route you choose you'll see it's a lose lose
By the time they choose crews you wishing you choose cruise
Or coast slow it down them kids too old now
So it's shoulda coulda wish I knew what I know now
(Damn)
Some say I lack consistency (what)
Which to me was whole entire mystery (what)
Until I took the time out to look and see
That they ain't seeing me the way I'm seeing me
Im looking for the puzzle it's a missing piece
Looking for my heart and that's a missing piece
Or maybe it's just missing peace
Your better half will push they insecurities upon you
Misery love company so that's the mind do
For the longest I ain't care what people thought about me (nah)
Then the ones I cared for had bad thoughts about me (why?)
Figured I change it, I tried to give em what they really wanted
Thinking they'd be happy with rearrangement
But all the rearranging to them was entertainment
And satisfying others brought my soul to enslavement
(Real shit)
Icy is tatted on me thats engravement
Thinking theses the niggas Imma go to the grave with (nah)
Dame and Bank the only niggas I'm the same with
Them other niggas I don't slang, hang or bang with (fuck em)
Surprised by they disguise nah this is amazement

When I talk to Toya I just wanna cry
She believe I'm the reason that she alive
And the raps that I spit is why she survived
I ain't even one slice of this whole pie
I can't imagine how you feel dog (how you feel dog)
I just know that shit is real dog (shit is real dog)
Sometimes I be reminiscing
Like who would think that you would have a brain aneurysm
I can't fathom how you do it on your own
From being the back bone to feeling like you alone
I never know what to say so I don't answer the phone
Hearing you in that state is something I can't condone
That's a catch 22 cause it's selfish to you
But to me I need me more than you ever knew
(Real shit)
Empty cups don't share water
And a man with a dime can't spare quarters
Fucked up but it's reality
Life is too short to be worried about who lied to me
Or waiting for the accused to issue an apology
Or holding all the pain I feel here inside of me
Call myself dealing with it knowing I'm just bottling
When shaken like a soda you explode on who swallowing
(Thats real shit)
Or you open it on your own
Realizing you all alone
No contacts to phone
Gun side of the dome
Children probably at home
Neither wife concerned
How long fore anybody had known that you was gone
(That you was gone, you was gone, you was gone)
Taking my own life will probably make things right
Then I can my see the kids and me and they mom won't fight
Maybe Tas and Zeez will meet and get along
Maybe not but the idea sound good in a song
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Fuck that I'm just tired of being tired
Tired of just trying eyeing and not buying
Working to take care of ungrateful ass liars
Whenever you fall short they sure to highlight it
Whenever you bring good it's sure to get slighted
Temptation all in your face you expected to fight it
No credit for seeing apples and never trying to bite it
Life easy cause you're a man it's hard because they not
If we all played our roles we can all be on top
If you don't see the bigger picture you another lost nigga
Somebody gotta be found I can't be lost witcha