Lyrics Hiding My Tears - Problematic

In a standstill, for several years
I've lost control, I don't adhere
I'm in a race, against the clock
I'm succumbin' to my thoughts

Get me out of here, before it is too late
Had a dream, I died and woke up, saw the pearly gates
Why I sit around like I got all this time to waste?
Promise I'll do right

They say it will get better
I wanna believe it
'Cause, I keep hiding my tears
I don't wanna feel shit
But, I won't surrender
No matter what I'm facin'
I can hear the thunder
Everybody leavin'

My heart is racin', anxiety
Has me on the edge with uncertainty
How much longer should I endure this pain?
Before decidin' to make a change

Driftin' from myself, what have I become?
I make excuses, when the truth is, I should overcome
My emotions, or end up with the consequence
For my whole damn life

But, when I'm all alone, I
Think the worst, that I'm slippin'
I'm the bad guy
Not the best with doin' goodbyes
From a young age
It was all lies
20 years pass
And I still hide
Devil haunts me but, in God's eyes
Pray I'll see this through

They say it will get better
I wanna believe it
'Cause, I keep hiding my tears
I don't wanna feel shit
But, I won't surrender
No matter what I'm facin'
I can hear the thunder
Everybody leavin'