Lyrics If I Were Happy - Problematic

Let my emotions get the best of me I don't address 'em
You hear my story would've swore I was a broken record
Burned all my bridges when it's probably time to go rebuild 'em
I wanna set a good example for my future children
My insecurities the reason why I feel abandoned
You give me happiness but I know that it won't be lasting
I get a glimpse of it then my whole world come down crashing
I've been through so much in my life that you could not imagine
My heart is fragile don't you play with it, it's not to mess with
Wish I could look at you and say that I was optimistic
If I need help I guarantee I wouldn't open up
God you saved me but I need to know I am enough
I gotta let my guard down or I'll forever suffer
This rain cloud follows me, and til this day it still does hover
I'm way to hard on myself expectations like no other
A part of me that bothers me, I got it from my mother

My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older
I can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older
I can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy

I'm tired of making these excuses on a daily basis
We all want comfort it, it's unfamiliar we'll escape it
So many mistakes I have made I wish I could erase 'em
But it made me who I am today I should be thankful
Let's just be realistic this life is too precious
To waste away but I'm still dealing with internal stresses
I often fantasize on what it would be like
If I was happy and I didn't have a petty side
These strong beliefs that I behold are truly damaging
Maybe things are not as bad as they appear to be
I'm locked in prison yet, I am the one that holds the keys
I had to reach a point of failure so I could believe

My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older older
I can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older
I can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy

I can't explain how I feel right now
So I have to spill it out on the page
I'm sorry if I disappoint and let you down
Wish it didn't have to be that way
I'm so lost I won't lie
Happiness the only thing that's been on my mind
Another year gone time goes by
Same old me it's a sad alibi

My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older
I Can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder, distant as I get older
I Can't imagine who I would be, if I were happy