Lyrics Tevin's Pain - Sketch The Artist

You know, I've been thinking
Life is like a sinking ship
When you're born it starts to plunder
And when you die it goes completely under
What's on the other side is a mystery many have tried to uncover
But, why bother
It's the moment between that matters
I've made mistakes
Done stuff I regret
Made decisions to this day I still cannot comprehend
But I guess that's being human, right?
The good, the bad
The highs, the lows
The sun, the rain
The heat, the cold
Perfection & flaws, and Joy, sadness
Sanity, madness
Sight, blindness
Cruelty, kindness
Love, hate
Relief, pain
I like pain
Pain made me stronger, pain made me evolve
I believe pain is necessary, it makes you know better
If you trip and fall, next time you'll walk better
I've loved three girls in my life
The first one broke my heart, the other one shattered it
The third is slowly picking up the pieces and putting them together
Without even realising it
Her presence is enough for me to feel better
Her smile is my warmth in cold weather
The sound of my name on her tongue rolls off like a harmony
On a violin string
And her voice takes me places hands cannot reach
Sometimes it's like a dream
It's like a fantasy, and I feel like I'm not supposed to be in it
Almost like I don't deserve it
At times happiness feels so foreign to me
It's almost like I don't want it
But then again, it's something I appreciate
And I would do it over and over again if I ever have to relieve it

You know what else hurts?
Seeing someone you love doubt you thinking you're going to hurt them
When all you try is to prove them wrong
And I get it, the wounds still need to heal
But sometimes it feels like they're bleeding onto me
And I tear my shirt to cover them
Try to kiss the pain away
And I start doubting myself
Thinking I'm just not doing enough
I might do whatever, but maybe I'm not trying enough
Sometimes I feel like it shouldn't bother me, but it does
And I start to relapse
And I want to look for drugs
So I can shove them down my mouth
Just to feel different
Sanity starts to feel loose
Deep conversations with myself
Everything starts to feel new
I think of my situation and laugh out loud
Shake my head, I don't wanna lose my crown
Suffocating, I try not to drown
But I try to bury every regret that tries to linger about
Coz I know the darkest nights are just a sign
That the sun is almost out

Is it weird that I think about my death?
Not that often, but also, not that less
I think about how much sadness and despair it will bring
To my family, my friends
Who will show up to my burial and stand over my grave
Will those who know me stretch their arms and pray
That they hope I'm in a better place
I don't know
Sometimes the details are vague
Sometimes they're as clear as day
And I can already see everyone walking away
As the darkness takes the day
And I'm left to rest 20 feet under their heads

I've lost an aunt and two uncles
But my mom lost a sister, my father lost two brothers
And my cousins lost a mother, and the others lost a father
Rest in peace, Aunty Media
She practically raised me before I could barely walk
So my mom could study and go to her job
Seeing the cancer slowly eat her away
Despite everyone's best efforts to help
Was something heart-breaking and hard to watch
Rest in peace, Uncle Dess
It was a point of no return coz of alcohol na madre
Went from looking cool and fresh to homeless and deranged
Even though you were still breathing, you had already left us
And I hope right now you're in a better place
Rest in peace, Uncle John
You were my father's best friend
You were chill, charismatic, and you were funny as hell
You were always there, willing to help
But my biggest shock was the state of your health
One day you were breathing, alive and well
The next day I get a call, "Uncle John is dead."
I'm surprised, I'm shocked, I think about Ted
I think about my father, I think about his kids
Turns out he had a heart attack at night in his sleep
And before he got any help, he was already deceased
Seeing my father cry is a sight I thought I'd never see
You could see his heart break when the tears came out his eyes
And I could feel mine lingering wanting to pour out from behind
Those funerals were the saddest places to be
Despair filled the air, their tears could fill the sea
Faces swollen and red like they were stung by bees
You could say that pain was necessary although, it hurt so deep
You could say it made us strong
Although, to this day, those wounds till bleed
Those experiences made me appreciate that I still breathe
My mouth still speaks, my body still feels, and my eyes still see

Also my education is kind of a mess
It's been five years since I joined
And I might not even graduate
It's the consequences of my actions catching up to me
Parents are disappointed, they can't believe
Starting to regret why they put their trust in me
But I'm eager to get up and redeem myself
Right my wrongs, fill the gaps I left
Fix the things I broke and say goodbye to that place
Consistency and progress is what I want to achieve
Move forward and above with each and every member of my team
As I slowly build a legacy, brick by brick

Sometimes I try to ignore everything
It don't mean you're alive just cause you're breathing
But I feel it, but I feel it
And I'm swimming, so I don't drown pushing my limits