Introduction

Unfortunately he called up
And said that he couldn't be here tonight for this concert
So now I actually don't have to do that routine
Which of course takes care of that
So, now I'm gonna do something else

By the way, we are going to have an intermission pretty soon
Don't you like intermissions?
Oh, I love them
Smoke a cigarette, walk around in the lobby
Meet friends and so and so
We are gonna have an intermission of about an hour and a half tonight
So that we really can get acquainted

So for my fourth and last number
I'm going to play excerpts from Rachmaninoff's second piano concerto
Number two that is
By Rachmaninoff of course, who also wrote the music for this concerto
This is a piano concerto for piano and concerto
And was originally written for approximately
Ninety-five piece symphony orchestra
Due to circumstances beyond my control
We seem to be approximately ninety-five pieces short
But you won't notice the difference because I play it very fast

This concerto was written in four flats because
Rachmaninoff had to move four times while he wrote it

And of course I play excerpts
I don't know the whole thing, that's all

The Steinway people have asked me to
Announce that this is a Baldwin piano
Pardon me for sitting down while I play
Pardon my back
Pardon my front
But that's the way I'm built

Speaking of pianos, many people have asked me
Why there are three pedals in these grand pianos
Well, the pedal in the middle is
There to separate the two other pedals
Which might be bad news for people with three feet