How To Rob A Bank

Some say I need a driver
A Nixon mask and gun
But let me tell you brothers and sisters
That's not how you get a bank job done
You can't walk in there brazen
With an Uzi like Patty Hearst
I'm gonna secure myself a seat
On the board of directors first
Oh, that's how you rob a bank
I'll get some decent suits
And a bogus business plan
Become well versed in the etiquette
Of Wall Street Disneyland
Hit the country clubs
Eating peanuts and drinking Scotch
Talk the recent trends
And fart into a velvet couch
Oh, that's how you rob a bank
I'll get a foundation to give me thanks
And give my congressman a wank
Apologize for all I drank
When I pulled that goldfish from the tank
And gave those debutantes a spank
Oh, that's how you rob a bank
And then I'll cry to Congress
That I just can't survive
After giving loans to folks for homes
They can't afford to buy
Or building useless cars
No one wants to drive
Then I'll threaten massive layoffs
Just like blackmail in disguise
Oh, that's how you rob a bank
My family won't judge me
They'll accept the gifts I send
Even though it's not my money
That doesn't mean I shouldn't spend
As the dough piles up
Like snow in Switzerland
I'll smile when the feds come take me in
With an army of lawyers
I'll soon outflank
And spin the tale of how my ship sank
And get my bonus and give my thanks
I'll spend six measly months in Shawshank
Oh, that's how you rob a bank
I say truth in lending is a two-way street
And Wall Street put the fire to my feet
And the SEC never took a peek
Blame it all on unchecked greed
In a time of war
Oh, that's how you rob
Oh, that's how you rob
That's how you rob a bank
Thank you, sir