Nesting

Let me into your childhood bedroom
Let me see the things you've held so dear
Let me break apart the things you've always held so near
Let me smash your Lego sets
Rip the heads of your Barbie dolls and your
Miniatures, and your
Beanie babies
I want you to hate me
For a reason that I can fully understand

It's a shame I've always hated being wrong
It's a shame you let me talk for far too long
You've always known the things that I couldn't know
It's a shame we built a nest where I couldn't grow

I pulled it apart, to form something new
I'm at peace with what I said that I'd never do
It's a shame we entertained this for too long
Like seeing smoke when the fire is gone
Let me hold you harder
Complain you don't feel everything that I do
You let me tear your home apart
I tried making something new
I'm so visionary,
But I always came so short of impressing you
We will always gaze at the sky
A place so fundamental
Belonging to you and I
There were fires on your street,
It's a shame we never found a better place to meet
Promise me
Absolutely nothing
Promise me that I'm not waiting for nothing
A place curling up to die
To build a new nest for you and I
I look for the words on the tip of my tongue
I can push them to death in my iron lung
I'll scream till my voice goes numb
It just keeps going and going, I-

You've always known these things that I could not know
It's a shame I've built a nest where I could not grow
I will gather what was left of what we made together
I will hold it close, I will nurture it forever
...
The flight paths have faded long ago
I let the garden grow so
Long, you can barely see the home
Will there be more for me?
I'm great at being alone
I can't deal with the silence at all, I just need
A new place to call my own
I'm so much better when I'm alone
...
When I'm alone
...
I've spent a while,
Unfolding myself
Devaluing my words
Hating myself
I keep putting things into perspectives that just don't make sense
I keep thinking that I see you
Truth be told, the entire idea haunted me for such a long time
I really did fall in love with you.
Truth be told, I still don't know what you saw in me
I don't know how much time has to pass before I get to feel free
It's true that i hated walking down your street
But it's only because I wanted to feel you were closer to me
I've tried to crush the doubt in my own grip,
Destroying myself in that vice
I've tried to replicate that feeling of being pinned down by your thumb
It was comforting
I don't know if there are any reasons to keep doing this
Any reasons to sing these songs
Maybe after doing it so many times, you'll like me enough
Maybe after doing this enough times, I'll realize that I don't deserve to be loved
I'm sorry that I, time and time again, stuck my foot in the door
I'm starting to realize that I don't know who I'm creating this for
I said everything to spite your face
The hate only came out of love's empty state
We both came from the same place, I-
I promise,
You were never a hollow embrace.