Lyrics while the rain drops - yesterday

These days waking up is getting hard now
I knock the jack back
I pick up what i put down
Bad habits comin round like they're ancient
It's no surprise that I'm gunna need a rain check
Not goin out like i don't make anymore plans
Sitting in my room, staring at the ceiling fan
Wait, who's your man?
Guess i forgot to ask that
You haunt my dreams, i can see you in my flashbacks
I fill my brain with whatever i can find
I'm self defeating
Always wasting all my time
Got a 9 to my head, but i swear I'm fine
I'm unattached from the little that i call mine
I'm unattentive to these bitches like i go to class
Reach for the holster, load it up, and then i cock back
Up to my dome, running frantic like my last lap
Fill the spaces with distractions
Cuz you know I'm bouta snap
Like the led on my pencil when i try and write
I smoke a blunt, then I'm sleepin for the whole night
I didn't answer cuz I'm busy talkin to the knife
Throwin shade like we forgot about the sun light
Sometimes it's hard to fight back
Wake up around noon
Stuck in bed while i smoke the sack
Black fingernails creeping down to your body
Always fucking up like its way more than a hobby
Fiendin for some love, so I'll take what i can get
Nothings ever enough, death would be the safest bet
Got ashes on my clothes cuz everything about me's gross
You said i always did the least but bitch i always do the most
People fade away like ghosts, i guess its for the better
Loving at what cost? feeling closer with the reaper
When i see her it's like all time stops
Cuz I'm asleep while the fucking rain drops
Smoking packs while I'm alone
I write these songs and hate myself
This alcohol straight to the dome
And i don't pace myself
Fuck a chaser
All i chase are these illusions
Happiness, a fallacy
I've come to the conclusion
These days waking up is getting hard now
I knock the jack back
I pick up what i put down
Bad habits comin round like theyre ancient
Its no surprise that im gunna need a rain check
I fill my brain with whatever i can find
I'm self defeating
Always wasting all my time
Got a 9 to my head, but i swear im fine
I'm unattached from the little that i call mine