99 Problems

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

I got the Rap Patrol on the gat patrol
Foes still wanna make sure my casket's closed

Rap critics that say he's money cash (censored)
I'm from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those?
If you grew up with holes in your Zapatos
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin' dough
I'm like, "Critics, you can kiss my (censored) hole"
If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if I don't play they show
They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a (censored), so
Rap mags try and use my black (censored)
So advertisers can get more cash for ads

I don't know what you take me as
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to riches, I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

99 Problems, but a (censored) ain't one
If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

The year's '94 and in my trunk is raw

In my rearview mirror is the (censored) law
Got two choices, y'all, pull over the car or

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor

And I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jake
Plus I got a few dollars, I could fight the case

So I pull over to the side of the road
I heard, "Son, do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low
Or do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?
"Well, you was doin' 55 in a 54"
"License and registration and step out of the car
Are you carryin' a weapon on you? I know a lot of you are"

I ain't steppin' out, all my papers legit
"Well, do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?"
Well, my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back
And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Are you sharp as a tack? You some type of lawyer or somethin'?
Somebody important or somethin'?"
I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my (censored)
"We'll see how smart you are when the canine comes"
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

99 Problems, but a (censored) ain't one
If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me
99 Problems, but a (censored) ain't one
If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

Now, once upon a time, not too long ago
A (censored) like myself had to strong-arm a (censored)
This is not a in the sense of havin' a (censored)
But a havin' (censored) sense, try and push me
I try to ignore him, talk to the Lord, pray for him
But some fools just love to perform

You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
And only thing that's gon' happen is I'ma get to clappin' and
He and his boys gon' be yappin' to the captain
And there I go trapped in the Kit-Kat again
Back through the system with the riff-raff again
Fiends on the floor scratchin' again
Paparazzis with they cameras snappin' them
D.A. try to give a (censored) shaft again

Half a mil' for bail 'cause I'm African
All because this fool was harassin' them

Try to play the boy like he's saccharine
But ain't nothin' sweet 'bout how I hold my (censored)
I got 99 problems bein' a (censored) ain't one, hit me

99 Problems, but a (censored) ain't one
If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me
99 Problems, but a (censored) ain't one
If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems, but a (censored) ain't one, hit me

Woo, woo, uh, uh
Havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 problems and a (censored) ain't one
You crazy for this one, Rick
It's your boy