Deal With

Dare me to try to write everything down on my mind
This life is harder than you think but I can't decide
If I'm depressed or if that is just normal inside
I cannot discuss everything not because it is hard to get it out
I cannot discuss everything because words cannot simply describe
How you go from an extrovert to everything going south
How am I supposed feel, when anxiety is gonna take the wheel?
I don't like being literal about mental health
But how am I gonna relate, if I cannot be real
To the one listening, don't fake it at all
Appreciate what you have and what you do not, or your gonna fall
Into a depression, I cannot express it
I wanna do my best, but I cannot collect it
The words and the thoughts, I don't know where to stop
If I auction my feelings out, It's not gonna solve anything
Why do I do it?
I post on my Instagram, snapchat and I get so depressed when no one responds
Fuck
I guess I have to be man
I gotta act like an adult I'm not allowed to be sick
But this is the shit that I deal with!

You know I just had a dream of those who remember me
They said if I keep on the path that I'm going
I'll never succeed, never achieve
But you cannot believe in me, how can I believe in myself
How could I even tell
If I'm being honest with me I just hope that I see
This is not just a dream
But I try to motivate myself it is hard
I beat myself up in the front of my yard
I lie to myself and say that I can
But I can't and I rant and fall into cars in the runway
I'll always be that way
I hate myself up until I cannot think straight
I love how that shit tastes
Revenge, that is the best place
My family doesn't even love me
I said I was rapping and then they shun me
Fuck it I can't even cope the colder demeanor I'm treated with, ugly
Is what I would use to describe myself
My mentality and then it's my health
My father was never there for me, but holy fuck he treated me so much better than anyone else
But am I supposed to feel guilty for that?
Probably, honestly all of these things building up is a negative prophecy
Fuck
I guess I have to be man
I gotta act like an adult I'm not allowed to be sick
But this is the shit that I deal with!