The Elephant

An elephant's life is tedious
Laborious and slow
I've been an elephant all me life
So I bloomin' well ought to know
He never forgets a name or face
He knows his way from place to place
Remembers to be dutiful
And when to push and when to pull
And when he's dead the dealer calls
And buys his tusks for billiard balls
And all because an elephant's got
A perfect memory
That wasn't the life for me
So I'm suffering from amnesia
Me mind's a perfect blank
Now life is very much easier
Amnesia's to thank
I'm being psychoanalyzed
I lie on a divan
And flap me ears and try to look
As barmy as I can
I'm an introverted, elephant-centric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephant's nursing home
'Til I get me memory back
I'm suffering from hysteria
I nearly spit, besides
To watch the others get wearier
Of giving the children rides
I've told my psychoanalyst
That I'm a sacred cow
I'd like to carry a howdah but
I can't remember how
I'm an introverted, elephant-centric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephant's nursing home
'Til I get me memory back
I suffer from schizophrenia
It comes on me in spells
Sometimes I'm King of Armenia
And others I'm Orson Welles
I tell them I'm Napoleon
And all that sort of bunk
They'd never guess that all the time
Ha-ha, I'm laughing up me trunk
I'm an introverted, elephant-centric hypochondriac
And I'll stick in the elephant's nursing home
'Til I get me memory back
Practicing me trumpet half the night
And I'll stick in the elephant's nursing home
'Til I get me memory, get me memory
Get me memory back