Daytime TV

When I was a kid, I used to fake sick
Luckily my mom and dad were pretty easy to trick
I was biding my time until the house was all mine
To do the one thing I really wanted to do
Which was watching daytime TV

While there's no one home to watch me
I'm hanging out with Barney, and doing a paternity test
Are you the father? Well, it's anybody's guess
And give me Jerry Springer, Judge Joe
Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner
I guess the best things in life come free
Like watching daytime TV

When I was a kid, the world was a mystery
There were so many things that just didn't make sense to me
And the way to find out what all the fuss was about
And to satisfy my healthy curiosity
Was by watching daytime TV

While there's no one home to watch me
I'm hanging out with Barney, and doing a paternity test
Are you the father? Well, it's anybody's guess
And give me Jerry Springer, Judge Joe
Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner
I guess the best things in life come free
Like watching daytime TV

There's no one home to watch me
There's no one home to stop me
From hanging out with Barney
I'm hanging out with Jeopardy
There's no one home to watch me
There's no one home to stop me
From hanging out with Barney
I'm hanging out