Wicked Hands

It was a can of paint
With an ironic name
Black magic shade
Over the fireplace
And you turned away
As Sufjan sang
Is there dignity in death
If there isn't any hope left?

But I know I tried to be
What I thought you needed me to be
But I was becomin' somethin' that would never be me
I heard the mating call
For everything that made us fall
Out of the promised land
With bags of contraband

I'm stranded in the desert with my empty and wicked hands
Just tryin' to find my way before I'm lost
But I cannot keep livin' with the memory
Of all the heartbreak I swore that I forgot

And in the early light
I find my enemy lines
And I bend into the dream
That today I will make peace
With that box of things
That's still haunting me
So I take it to the trash
Throw it in and I don't look back

'Cause I know there's more to me
Than even I have seen
So I get up and keep on fightin' in spite of me
I hear the siren call
For everything that makes me fall
Far from the promised land
Lookin' for heroin

And I wake up in the mornin' with my ugly and wicked hands
I just cannot bear the weight of all I've lost
'Cause I cannot keep doin' all the same things
And pretend like there will not be a cost

But all this time, I thought it was a lost fight
To get back everything, I left behind my
Days of rage and shame
I still don't understand

God, help me hide my wicked hands
God, help me hide my wicked hands
God, help me hide my wicked hands
God, help me hide my wicked hands