What Am I Looking For?

Grew up with hand me downs, middle child of seven
If I stepped out of line wouldn't get into heaven
How can control get played off as protection
When it leads to a sip of resentment
Lost count of the bottles, blackouts, and prescriptions
I'd go out at 10, then wake up in the kitchen
Numb all the pain with a self-made condition
Til it leads to my last bad decision
A dead end disguised as a way out
What am I looking for?
Another close call
Another memory to push down
To run from the storm
Like it's never my fault
That I'm stuck in a merry go round
It's not like I don't hate it here
I'm one foot closer every year to the final pour
What am I looking for?
Got kicked out of school, never graduated
I changed who I was til I became who I hated
Someone who forgot how the hell they got home
Someone who tempts being six feet below
A dead end disguised as a way out
What am I looking for?
Another close call
Another memory to push down
To run from the storm
Like it's never my fault
That I'm stuck in a merry go round
It's not like I don't hate it here
I'm one foot closer every year
To the final pour
What am I looking for?
What am I looking for?
To feel like myself in my own skin
What am I?
To find all the pieces I'm missin'
What am I?
A purpose, or some kind of reason to live
When will I stop giving in?
What am I looking for?
Another close call
Another memory to push down
To run from the storm
What am I looking for?