What It Was, Was Football - Pt. 1 & 2

It was back last October, I believe it was
We was goin' to hold a tent service all off at this college town
And we got there about dinnertime on Saturday
And different ones of us thought that
We ought to get us a mouthful to eat before that we set up the tent
And so we got off of the truck and followed this little bunch of people
Through this small little bitty patch of woods there
And we come up on a big sign, it says, get something to eat here

And I went up and got me two hot dogs and a big orange drink
And before that I could take every mouthful of that food
This whole raft of people come up around me
And got me to where I couldn't eat nothing
Up like, and I dropped my big orange drink, I did
Well, friends, they commence in to move
And they want so much that I could do but move with them
Well, we commence to go through all kinds of doors and gates

And I don't know what hole
And I looked up over one of them and it says North Gate
And we kept on going through there
And pretty soon we come up on a young boy
And he says, ticket, please
And I says, friend, I don't have a ticket
I don't even know where it is that I'm going, I did
Well, he says, come out as quick as you can

And I says, I'll do, I'll turn right around the first chance I get
Well, we kept on moving through there
And pretty soon everybody got where it was that they was a-going
Because they parted and I could see pretty good, and I could
And what I seen was this whole raft of people a-setting on these two banks
And a-looking at one another across this pretty little green cow pasture
Well, they was
And somebody had tucked and drove white lines all over it

And drove posties in it and I don't know what all
And I looked down there and I seen five or six convicts
Are running up and down and are blowing whistles, there was
And then I looked down there and I seen these pretty girls
Are wearing these little bitty short dresses and are dancing around
And so I sat down and thought I'd see what it was that was going to happen
I did
And about the time I got sat down good

I looked down there and I seen 30 or 40 men come running out of one end
Of a great big outhouse down there, they did
And everybody where I was a-setting got up and hollered
And about that time, 30 or 40 come running out of the other end of that outhouse
And the other bank pulled, they got up and hollered
And I asked this fellow that was a-setting beside of me
I says, friend, what is it that they're hollering for?
Well, he whopped me on the back and he says, buddy, have a drink

Well, I says, I believe I will have another big orange
And I got it and sat back down
And when I got down there again
I seen that them men had got in two little bitty bunches down there
They had railed close together
And they voted they did
They voted and elected one man apiece
And them two men come out in the middle of that cow pasture

And shook hands like they hadn't seen one another in a long time
And then a convict come over to where there was a standing
And he took out a quarter and they come in to odd man right there, they did
Well, after a while, I seen what it was that there's odd man in for
It was that both bunches fool of them men
Wanted this funny looking little punkin' to play with, they did
And I know, friends, that they couldn't eat it
Because they kicked it the whole evening and it never busted

But talk anyhow, what I was a-telling was
That both bunches fool wanted that thing
And one bunch got it and it made the other bunch just as mad as they could be
And, friends, I seen that evening the awfulest fight
That I have ever seen in my life I did
They would run at one another and kick one another
And throw one another down

And stomp on one another and grind their feet in one another
And I don't know what all
And just as fast as one of them would get hurt
They'd tote him off and run another number
Well, they'd done that as long as I sat there
But pretty soon this boy that had said, ticket please
He come up to me and he says
Friends, you're going to have to leave

Because it is that you don't have a ticket
And I says, well, all right
And I got up and left
And I don't know, friends, to this day what it was that there's a doing down there
But I have studied about it
And I think that it's some kindly of a contest
Where they see which bunch of fool of them men can take that pumpkin
And run from one end of that cow pasture to the other
Without either getting knocked down or stepping in something