The Tricks of the Trade

If you're a lion tamer or a picture framer
Or a guy who squeezes lemonade
If you're a chimney sweeper or a garden keeper
You gotta know the tricks of the trade
If you're a haberdasher or an atom smasher
Or you're merely doing a charade
If you're a flagpole sitter or a home run hitter
You gotta know the tricks of the trade

And when it comes to sweet romance
You gotta have a way of kissin'
You gotta learn things in advance
Or you will find there's a lot you're missing

So all you gay romancers better learn the answers
Or you won't be in the love parade
To be a real sensation with your inspiration
You gotta know the tricks of the trade

If you're a tuba tooter you can toot it cuter
If you know the tune that's being played
If you're a chiropractor or a tooth extractor
You gotta know the tricks of the trade
If you're a chicken flicker learn to flick 'em quicker
And you'll double what you're being paid
If you're a pickle packer or potato snacker
You gotta know the tricks of the trade

And when it comes to love in spring
You gotta know what arms were meant for
And when you buy a girl a ring
You gotta know what the dough was spent for

So all you gay romancers better learn the answers
Or you won't be in the love parade
To be a real sensation with your inspiration
You gotta know the tricks of the trade

Oh yes, you gotta know the tricks of the trade
Uh-huh, you gotta know the tricks of the trade