Dear Sean

Dear Sean
Never been the type to open up
Never meant to hurt you
But I guess what's done is done
If I could back to the past and change it
You know I would
Then maybe I could see things from your side
Wish I could but I can't
Conversation over
Hope this letter that I wrote gives you a little closure
I heard your songs, it's got me worried
I think it's time you heard my side of the story

I'm in the comfort of my home
With the doors unlocked
I know you're pounding on the door but I can't hear the knock
I'd like to open up the door but I can't pick the lock
There was a key once
But now it's lost
The word help is written all over these walls
I could tell that you noticed
I left a number to call
You slip a note through the door that says get better soon
And then you leave me all alone, yeah
That's when my demons broke

Can I make you see
This is anxiety (this anxiety)
It's killing me
It's killing me (oh oh)
When did I become so numb
I'm holding on I'd rather run
From me and love

In the attic of my home is where my demons play
There's a theatre in this room
I'm repeating plays
Bad memories I wish I could but I just can't erase
Yeah
You know what's strange?
Even though I hate these things I'm drawn to this room
I sit here in my pain until it boils and stews
I've got no tears left
There's been a change in my mood
I'm at the point
Of nothing left to lose
Can't stand the pressure when it starts to build
Trynna find the urge to cut but I can't find the will
They say I'll find happiness
It comes from within
I'm trynna find it
I grabbed the razor ran to ya yeah
What kind of a time is the life I'm living
Rather feel the pain than nothing at all
Yeah that pain is tempting
Do I wanna die? No that's not it
But if I happen to die tomorrow
I really wouldn't give a shit

Can I make you see
This anxiety (this anxiety)
Is killing me
It's killing me (woah oh)
When did I become so numb
I'm holding on I'd rather run
From me and love

When the blood dries, I start to feel ashamed
I take an Ativan hoping something would change
But it doesn't
It just stays the same
I feel the bottle at the floor but can't seem to reach
Lookin' back at the past I'm glad I made it out alive
I was so close to the edge I almost ran out of time
In life, the unexpected happens
I throw the key when I locked up the medicine cabinet
I run to your home
But your doors are locked
I'm out here pounding on the front and you can hear the knock
I wish you'd open up
You'll just leave it locked
There was trust once, but now it's lost
The word call is written all over your walls
I wanna hear your voice
You left no number to call
I slip a note through the door that says I'm better now
I wish I would've figured it out
When you were still around

When you were still around (when you were still around)
Dear Sean (dear sean)
I'm destroying myself trying to find my peace of mind
How can I explain this to you?
I've set fire to the world around me
But I'll never let a single flame touch you